A Christmas Blog To All And To All A Great Night

I would just like to wish all my readers a Merry Christmas. If you don't like being wished Merry Christmas then you can just suck it up for once and take it the way it is suppose to be taken...as a wish of happiness and good health. As we all know the flu and many other well known sicknesses are rampant at this time of year, and all those non Christians could really use a good wish of health now more than ever since they don't believe that prayer will help them. My way of saying that is by saying Merry Christmas. If you don't believe in wishing, then you are just a horrible person and you don't deserve my wishes. Do I get offended if a JW says happy 25th of December to me, or when a Jewish person says Happy Hanukah? The answer is no. I say thank you and depending on the situation I either give them a nice and reaffirming slap on the behind, or say have fun with your candles don't burn the house down. The problem with the world today is that people get offended about stuff they shouldn't get offended about. Then it is the kind people that have to deal with it because they don't like to complain. That right there is why everything in the world is so twisted. I think that the kind people need to get some fight in them and start taking our rights back. I, for one, am sick of people complaining about stuff that is stupid and getting their way because the law system is corrupted. Back to my main point. I don't understand these people that get so offended about being wished a Merry Christmas. How exactly is that offensive? I could understand if I was robbing a Jewish man, and after I took his wallet and rolex wished him Merry Christmas. That is an ok time to be offended. I mean granted he can get his money back because of his knowledge of finances, and let's be honest there is no way he could see his watch because his nose is likely obstructing the view of it. But even then, it should be the robbery that offended him, that or the stereotypes that I just made. If anything my saying Merry Christmas, though completely broke and without a way to tell time, should leave him but with a warm feeling inside. And that is the miracle of Christmas. I hope I have made my point.

Another thing I would like to talk about is Santa Clause. I really enjoyed the movie with Tim Allen when I was a kid before Jingle All The Way happened. That is a great movie, but you still can't beat a classic. My real question is what is the deal with Santa? I kinda feel like it has turned into a way that old pedophile men can go around with a beard on to disguise themselves, and get kids to sit on their lap while they promise children fancy toys and ponies. This has come a long way since when the real Saint Nick did whatever he did a long time ago. Probably the robin hood thing. I bet that Saint Nick didn't even do whatever he did at this time of the year, it was probably more around April...Just like the guy whom Christmas is all about. What was his name? Oh yeah, Jesus! What kind of world do we live in where kids recognize a picture of Ronald McDonald easier than Jesus? Those of you who have seen Super Size Me know what I am talking about. Those kids probably celebrate Christmas too. They have no idea what it is really about. I really think they should have switched Easter and Christmas. That would make a little more sense. Because a bunny pretty much has nothing to do with anything, and there really needs to be a holiday around that time of the year...spring break doesn't exist as an adult. Well it does if you are an unemployed adult, but pretty much every day is spring break in that case. Just a really boring one where there is nothing to do. Back to what I was saying. Christmas, the time of year we celebrate it now, is based off of a Pagan holiday where they celebrated the winter solstice or something like that. That has nothing to do with Jesus. Christmas has the word Christ in it. It isn't santamas or presentmas. Those are horrible holiday names. Who would name a holiday something like that? I would talk about traditions, but I think Jim Gaffigan pretty much said everything I am thinking in this video. I hope you enjoyed that, I know I did when I just watched it.

I would like to take this time to wish everyone a sincere Merry Christmas. May your hearts be filled with joy, and your stalkings with inevitable diabetes. May the wrapping paper you rip to shreds be recycled, and your gifts be returnable. Until next time...

Santa Cox

PETA: People against Everything That is America

I hate that some of my best thoughts happen at times when I don't have things to write them down. Like just now when I was getting into the shower I had some great things to write about that are funny but have real issues when you get down to it. I think I need a scribe that follows me to these places so that I don't have a thought that isn't documented. This person will likely not be paid, but will become a more knowledgeable and humble person because of their service. Anyway, a friend of mine posted a link on facebook to an article that sounds pretty ridiculous. So read that before you continue reading this post.

http://games.yahoo.com/blogs/plugged-in/peta-slams-mario-over-fur-suit-211025773.html

So after I read that I felt like I needed to add my own 2 cents because it was just so ridiculous. So here is what I said:

"2 things: I want to play Super Tanuki Skin 2D it sounds hilarious, and the Tanooki suit is a magical suit. It makes Mario fly, similar to the way that a nice fur coat makes you feel like you are in the clouds. The people in PETA are just mad because they were brainwashed into not liking food that tastes good and clothes that look and feel great. Don't they realize that animals want to die to be our food and clothing? They wake up in the morning and pray that they will be slaughtered and used for the benefit of the human race. In fact, I believe that it is plants that are being treated horribly, and something needs to be done about that. Also I think before a movement for the ethical treatment of animals there should be a People for the Ethical Treatment of People activist group. Sure the acronym isn't as catchy, but I think catchy isn't the most important thing here..."

Am I not right? I am pretty sure that people aren't being treated ethically. Something like that should be a big issue way before ethical treatment of animals. I am certain that racism is still a problem in our country even the world. I mean, just the other day I was giving a black guy a ride, and made him sit in the back. And there isn't a day that goes by that I don't say something incredibly racist about mexicans and asians. There should be people at my throat threatening to sew my mouth shut and cut off my fingers so that I stop saying these things, but instead they are worried about video games that have fictitious plumbers wearing an animal suit that gives him the ability to fly. I am also certain that members of PETA are just mad because they can't afford fur and meat. They are just poor people that bash people that can afford to live the high life. I am sure you are thinking "But Jake, celebrities such as Pamela Anderson are part of PETA." There are two problems with your argument. First, Pamela Anderson is not a celebrity, she is a whore. Second, celebrities endorse activist groups and donate to charities for tax breaks. Do you really think that Lindsay Lohan, or Ozzy Osbourne really care about saving the children? I highly doubt it. Ozzy doesn't even know he has kids, and Lindsay has probably had more abortions than there are children in third world countries. Was that mean? Yeah that was pretty mean. I take it back Lindsay, you are just drug addict not a baby killer. The only other explanation is that they were incredibly wasted and made donations because they were baked. Seriously though, I am sure there are some celebrities that care about stuff like that, but I am certain that the bulk of them are just using it so that they can keep their money. Back to PETA. The biggest problem with them is that they attack incredibly stupid things. If they focused on bigger animal rights issues and left out the ridiculous stuff they might actually make a difference, but no one is gonna take them seriously until they do that. I do believe in animal rights. I think that some things that are done to animals are inhumane, but I also believe that hamburgers taste delish and I will continue to eat them. Also, if I ever have enough money I may buy a fur coat because they are nice and comfy. Animals were made for human use. We are the dominant species, though some times it seems that animals are smarter, and if we didn't use animals for things they would overpopulate the earth and die anyway. Death happens in nature. It is the circle of life. Obviously the people in PETA didn't watch the Lion King 3D when it rereleased into theaters or they would have remembered that concept. Yet another reason PETA is a joke...they don't watch Disney movies, and that, my friends, is un-American.

Jake Out

Pajamas: The Cure for Birth Defects

So sunday is the day of rest...Why don't you wear pajamas all day? This is a question I began to ask myself earlier this evening as I took a drive (in my pajamas) to a friends house to pick up some music for a musical that I will be playing in this week. I guess one argument against wearing pjs all day on sunday is that some people either don't wear pjs, or their pjs are not out door appropriate. I feel bad for these people, because they are missing out on the fun of looking lazy and feeling comfortable in public. Wearing pjs in public is more of a statement than anything. You might think that you are just wearing your pjs to feel comfortable and because none of your regular clothes are clean, which isn't a big deal except that you spilled all manner of unclean things on your jeans and they smell like something unpleasant. But, what you are telling everyone else is that you are comfortable with who you are, you don't care what other people think, and that you aren't afraid to be yourself. Don't be surprised if you get a standing ovation after going out in your pjs...I know I am not surprised when I do. That or they are applauding for the performance I am at, but I hardly doubt that. Speaking of standing ovations...I don't believe that people, in general, understand when you are suppose to give one. If whatever you saw or heard moved you, and you felt it was very well done, then you get to stand and clap until your hands sting. I believe that a lot of people just give standing ovations because something is over, and they are preparing to leave. This is a bad idea, because if you give a standing ovation and the performers have an encore you are gonna be in a world of hurt. Because you just bought yourself another 5-10 minutes of what you were standing up to leave. What I am trying to say is just be aware of what you are doing, and why you are doing it. The government has a serious problem with that concept, so try and learn from their idiocy. While I am on this subject, how many other things do people do without being aware of what they are doing or why they are doing it? I am going to assume that people, on average, do at least 1 thing a day that fits that description. For example, I time and time again find myself conversing with people that I don't really care to be talking too. Or, I will go out of my way to go say hi to someone that I briefly knew in high school, then halfway through the conversation I realize the reason that I haven't kept in touch with them. There are plenty of other little habits that people have that don't make any sense. Unfortunately, I can't think of any right now, but I think that everyone should just have that question in the back of their mind the next time they do something. Ask yourself what you are doing and why you are doing it. You might find the answer to be somewhat amusing...I know I do. You can even ask the question to yourself when you see other people doing stuff that is seen as "normal", but in reality really makes no sense. Speaking of people watching that is pretty much my favorite pass time. I love observing people, and watching the strange things they do.

So I was just talking to my mother and a question came to my mind. Does anyone else have a hard time making decisions? Because I have an incredibly hard time doing so. I am really good at narrowing down choices, but if there is more than one thing left, which there normally is, I can't decide. It is like there is a big equal sign between each of my choices. I feel that this is probably the most prominent reason that I would need a wife, other than the obvious things...like foot rubs, food that isn't microwaved and has the consistency of rubber, being the mother of my children, and someone to keep me company in times of distress and even joy. I am positive that if I do get married she needs to be a decisive woman, because if she isn't our children will likely have way too many names, and we will be paying a mortgage on two houses because we couldn't decide between them. If she is decisive I will likely be wearing clothes that make me look good, our kids will have names that are both intelligent and attractive, our house will be perfect, and probably most important I won't have to make any decisions other than whether or not to go to the bathroom as soon as nature calls. By the way these fantasies are based on the fact that I can, in fact, have kids. I am gonna be honest, adolescent boys are not very kind to other boy's reproductive organs. So here's hoping for the best.

So you may be wondering, since it has been so long since I have blogged, why am I now at this time writing a blog. Well here is your answer. Earlier this evening I was taking a quiz for one of my classes. These quizzes use to take me about 45 minutes or so to finish because I had to find the answers in a book whose chapters were way to long and boring. Well I found out last week that google searches google books and pretty much allows you to find any information from any page of a book that is in google books data base. Well the book for my class is in google books. Thus, I just searched the key terms from the quiz questions, found the answers, and finished the quiz in about 10 minutes saving time and a large amount of pointless effort. You are probably now thinking "Jake that is cheating, you should be reading the book, and then answering the questions." My response is that I would read the book if I felt that it was, in any way, important to my future. But alas, I did not feel that way about this book. So there you have it. I hope you have enjoyed your time reading this. If you haven't then I am proud to say that I have effectively wasted a great deal of your time. So either way I win! Yay me!!!

Education: the cause of childhood obesity.

I am not happy at all right now. I am falling victim to my arch nemesis...The Education System. Also, after typing that I think I realized where the ellipsis came from. You know when there is a dramatic pause, such as the one I made right before the ellipsis, and the music goes "bum bum bum"? I am pretty sure the ellipsis is the written form of that. Anyway, back to education and its plague on mankind since the beginning of the information age. I am certain that the way education is done was somewhat productive back before the invention of the internet and smart phones. Unfortunately, it is now becoming something that prevents students from actually learning and retaining information. Actually, there are a lot of things about the way education is approached that are completely stupid and pointless. Such as busy work, grading, testing, lecturing, tenure, and these are just things off the top of my head. If I took some time and wrote out a list I am pretty sure almost every aspect of the education system would be on it.

I would like to explain a few or all of the things I listed. I will start with busy work just because that is what I started the list with (If I were a teacher I would probably switch everything up to confuse people, because that's what teachers do...freaking jerks!). Busy work is actually most of the reason that I am blogging right now instead of watching Friends (the tv series), which is probably the best show ever in the history of television (I write television instead of tv because it says that I am spelling tv wrong and there are no suggestions on how to spell it...Biggest overlooked thing in the history of autocorrection if you ask me). So back to busy work. I am in a class currently that is ultimately suppose to build you up to the point of writing your senior thesis. I have some pretty angry thoughts about senior theses, but I will keep them to myself because I can actually see some good reasons for them to be written. There aren't many good reasons, but there are a few. Anyway, in this class we are reading a book called The Metaphysical Club. This book is basically about guys around the 18th and 19th century that were different kinds of ologists. To give some background I am in the Interdisciplinary Program. This means that you basically choose 2 majors, do some classes from those majors, and then graduate with some knowledge in both fields in order to mix the information together. So back to this book, it kind of talks about different issues in those times that were solved with interdisciplinary thinking to show what kind of things can be done with this degree. Well that is all fine and everything, but the book is 445 pages long and can basically can be summed up by saying exactly what I said to describe it. If the teacher wanted to she could go into a little more detail about the ideas in the book, and save the students a lot of time. So the teacher of this class gave us a bogus assignment to do about one of the chapters in the book, and I can guarantee that there is no purpose for this assignment. Thus, it is busy work. I feel like I took a really long time to get to that conclusion...oh well. I feel like if a teacher assigns something they should be required to have a purpose for the assignment, and they should make it known so that the students understand the purpose and validity of the assignment. It is like teachers feel the need to just have work work work all the time for the students. News Flash, it is typically a lot easier to retain information when you aren't having a bunch of useless information shoved down your throat by a professor that feels like they need to always assign pointless work. In my almost 6 years of college the class that I retained the most information and learned pertinent information from was the easiest class I have ever taken. All of the information I got from that class was completely relevant, and there was no unnecessary work. So what I am saying is that busy work just wastes space and time, but I am sure you already knew that.

Testing is definitely something that angers me about education. I don't think that there is anyway that testing actually shows how knowledgable someone is on a subject. There are terrible test takers out there, that doesn't mean that they are stupid it just means that tests are both a bad way to prove ones knowledge, and that some of them are just way too hard. I think that tests should not be graded. I believe that testing is more a reflection on that effectiveness of the teacher, than the retention of knowledge of the student. Unfortunately, some students study incredibly hard for tests and get good grades on them, and I don't believe that this would provide an accurate statistic to the teacher of their ability to convey information to the class. I was in a class once and the information that we studied for the tests was 14 pages long single spaced, more or less, and then the test was 3 pages long. Students studied night and day for that test the entire week before it was administered, and right after we took the test we talked about how we pretty much forgot all the information we studied right after the test was over. Another problem with testing is that you aren't even tested on all of the information that you learn in class, so how is that showing a statistic on how well the class is learning when you aren't even being tested on most of the stuff covered in class. If anything testing should be used to show you how you are doing something wrong so that you can learn from it. The final problem with testing that I will talk about is that test questions are generally just left up to the professor. I think if tests are allowed they should all be the same and written by a professional in the field that you are studying. That professional would not be a teacher, and they would only write the questions based on information you would need to know for that job. Obviously that would never happen, but I feel that would be the only way to accurately test people. There would be no horrible questions from teachers that are jerks, and it would provide accurate statistics.

Grading is basically a consequence of the problems I have mentioned. Grading isn't accurate. It is a very bad way of measuring a persons progress in a class. If I refuse to do busy work, which I usually do, I get a worse grade for the class. This doesn't mean that I know less about what the core information was for the class, it just means that I didn't conform to doing the work that I saw was pointless. Another problem with grading is that it is subjective. The teacher can grade according to their will. I have heard of students that have passed every class they were in just because they would suck up to the teacher, and the teacher would give them passing grades for barely doing anything. That is flawed education if I have ever seen it.

Lecturing is another horrible aspect of education. I am pretty certain that lecturing is the worst way to provide information that is suppose to be retained by its receivers. Some people are really good at being information sponges, but I would guess that most people don't learn their best in that situation. I am a hands on and visual learner. This makes it nearly impossible for me to concentrate in a lecture environment. I can't even take notes on lecture information because I get so distracted. I am actually incredibly surprised I have been able to keep such decent grades in college. I never take notes on lectures, and I lose my concentration consistently during class. That shows how much seemingly useless information is intertwined into the "important" information in lectures and classes overall. I feel that teachers really need to focus on important information, and make sure that they are effectively teaching that information.

Tenure is quite possibly the most angering thing in the world. It allows teachers to teach well for a couple of years, and then get lazy and be horrible teachers for the rest of their career. My feelings are that teachers should always be afraid of losing their job, and maybe that would make them teach more effectively. I understand that teachers get paid horribly, but that doesn't mean that they have to teach like they are getting paid. In a perfect world teachers would get paid incredibly well, and they would be constantly having to earn their job as a teacher. Honestly, that is how it should be. Learning would increase, and people would be way more prepared for the future.

Anyway, I have many more feelings about the education system, but unfortunately I haven't organized my thoughts about it. So I am certain you will hear more about my thoughts as time goes by, but until then I will say goodbye.

So long, farewell
Auf Wiedersehen, goodnight.

LeFou, I'm afraid I've been thinking...

So I have some things I have been thinking about lately. Mostly just things I have observed, and I would like to put my thoughts out there. As of late I have become a convert into the religion of cleanliness. Those of you who know me know that I am not the cleanest person in the world, but I do like the idea of cleanliness and I look forward to becoming a more tidy and clean person in the future. Today I am going to focus on not wearing shoes in the house. This concept is not exactly new to me, but the importance of it has begun to make itself aware in my mind. As a child there was never any rules about not wearing shoes in the house, and because I was a child I never really thought about it. Unfortunately, now I am thinking about it, and I plan on introducing your mind to the horror that I now face. I would like to ask a question first. What kind of stuff do you walk through while you are wearing shoes? I am going to answer this question for you. You walk through all kinds of crap. From public restrooms, to mud, dog doodie, food, bugs, and the occasional puke. Here is where the problem begins. If you allow shoes in your home, you are allowing all that nastiness to be rubbed and smashed into your carpet and all over your floors. Who likes to lay out on their carpet at home? Personally, that was my favorite place to sprawl out as a child. What was I laying in?! Does this make anyone else sick a little bit? I can't even fathom the amounts of excrement and filth that the carpet contained. Extend that to people that put their shoes all over the furniture. You are basically living in your own personal 3rd world country. Anyway, that is just something for you to think about.

I don't really think that people understand how to properly walk on the sidewalk. Today I got out of class and started walking to my car. While traveling down the sidewalk there was a woman who almost ran into me. I was walking on the right side of the sidewalk, where you are suppose to be, and she couldn't decide which side she was suppose to be walking on. Who knows, maybe she was from Europe. The thing I don't understand is how often this happens. Isn't the rule go right? It is just like driving, stay on the right side of the road, or sidewalk. It kind of makes sense though, there are so many bad drivers. It must stem from the fact that they don't know how to walk either. It really surprises me how often I nearly walk into someone because they don't understand the walk right concept. There is another possibility of why this happens. A lot of people, I have noticed, are pretty much just concerned about themselves. This means that when they are walking they expect that everyone will move out of their way. They hog the entire sidewalk, and make you walk on the grass to avoid collision. These are the people that become truck drivers. Am I wrong? There are so many times I have almost died because of a truck driver that assumes that it can just switch lanes going up a hill at 35 mph on the freeway. It is like the driver just waits until I am about to pass, and then switches lanes right at the last second. It must be a game to them. They report back the number of cars run off the road to their superior, and the one with the highest number gets a paid vacation to Kentucky, a coupon for all you can eat "meat and potaters", and a hair cut at Melvin's Mullets. At least that is my theory.

The final thing that I would like to talk about today is work. I am not a fan of working. I wear a shirt that says "Hard Work Is For People Without Talent" and I am a firm believer of that shirt. It is for this reason that my goal is to land a job where I do nothing, or next to nothing. My favorite thing in the world is making money for doing nothing, and I am dang good at it. This is why I don't understand people that have to keep busy while they are at work. If they have nothing to do, they will create projects. For example I worked at a gas station once, and we had a list of stuff that we had to do before we closed each day. So I would get my list done as fast as I could, and then pray that there wouldn't be very many customers that day. That way I could just sit around and do nothing then get paid $9/hour for it. There were a couple of crazy people there that when they were done doing the stuff on the list they would go around and do random stuff that didn't necessarily need to be done. On good days these people would start doing my jobs, which I was fine with. I didn't understand their need to do more than their share, but there was no way I was gonna say no to someone making money for me. I guess the main point I am getting at here is why do some people not like to get paid to do nothing? Is it a moral dilemma for them to get money for nothing? Do they lack the ability to sit still and relax? Do they hate themselves? It makes no sense to me. I guess it is like people who run for fun. I don't think I will ever understand that. I can understand playing some kind of sport that you have to run to accomplish the tasks in the game, but just running? While I am on the subject of sports I personally believe that the fact that people get paid millions of dollars to throw around some kind of ball is ridiculous. How can we live in a world where a brainless monkey that throws a ball around and cheats on his wife makes more than an educator? I have an idea. Let's take the excess money that all the sports bring in, that the players use to buy hookers and cars, and do something useful with it. Maybe use it to improve public education, give it to college students that need help with their tuition, or even clothe and feed the homeless. Just out of curiosity I went and found the total of the 2011 Green Bay Packers salary it is $63,723,500. The lowest paid person on their team, the person that probably sits on the side lines every game, made $375,000 this year, the top paid player made nearly 8 million. How does that even work? Does that make any sense? There are people doing actual important things, and they are getting paid hardly anything to do it. Do you know why immigration is so bad, and why it is immigrants taking the hard labor jobs that pay horribly? It is because the americans that would normally be doing those jobs are getting paid millions of dollars to throw around a freaking ball! Sure athletes are entertaining, but so is a dog chasing it's tail, or a cat trying to catch a laser that is pointed at the wall. I hope I have made my point.

Yeah, I don't know what to title this.

What is the deal with people that write their smiley faces like this (: are you kidding me? Half of the time I think that the person wrote a frown face, and I have already started my reply based on that. Do the world a favor, and start writing your smiley faces normal. You are gonna just confuse everyone, with exception to people with dyslexia. Maybe they wouldn't have as much of a problem with it. While I am on the subject of modern communication, who is really annoyed with autocorrect? It is like when I write something completely wrong, it autocorrects it perfectly. This is why I keep it on, it saves me time. But, when I spell something correctly, or I miss one letter, it changes the word to something completely random. Another problem that I face with autocorrect is that when I am sending a text message the last word will be a word that gets autocorrected, and I will be typing fast and hit send, and right after I hit send the last word gets corrected while its sending and there is nothing I can do about it. Although it does bother me, it allows for some good laughs. There is an entire website of autocorrect fails that are pretty hilarious. Maybe the reason they made autocorrect was for that exact reason. They wanted to make life funny, that is why the corrections are so ridiculous. Seriously, have you read some of them, it is insane what some of these words are corrected as. It must be a huge practical joke that the OS programmers for smart phones are in on. I am certain of it.

Ok, so I have been on a couple of road trips in the past couple of weeks, and there is something that I really need to address. If you have recently traveled the roads of northern Utah you will have noticed many orange cones, and not so many road workers. Utah has a horrible pattern of having road construction that lasts forever. If they were actually making progress I wouldn't have such a problem with it. My problem is that there is one small section of road that they are working on for a month. Yet, there is another 5 or 6 miles, at the least, of cones blocking most of the road. I have have tried and tried to figure out the reasoning for this. I can't come up with anything. There is a particular part of the freeway that is beyond ridiculous. Not only is there multiple miles of construction cones up, but they are so far out into the open lane that you have to drive on the grating on the side of the road. You know, the stuff that makes really loud noise, and ruins your tires when you drive on it for extended periods of time. Are they just trying to piss people off? I don't even think they have done any construction there. It was the same way months ago when I went up north. Maybe the people over construction in Utah believe that the cones are magical, and when left unattended they come to life and fix the road. This is the only explanation I can think of, or for those of you who enjoy proper grammar, which I don't...This is the only explanation of which I can think. Nothing else would explain their inability to not do any work over so much time. According to physics the amount of power they produced is a number so small I don't even think that many decimal places exist. I am referring of course to the fact that in physics P(power)=W(work)/T(time), work which they do very little of and time of which they take way to much. It is an attempt at humor using the laws of physics to tie it all in. I apologize for that lengthy explanation and the horrible joke. I blame it on the fact that I have been watching The Big Bang Theory a lot. That, and I am a genius that relates every day nonsense to complex concepts. Back to what I was saying. There was one time when I was stuck in traffic on the free way for at least 30-45 minutes between Brigham City and Ogden. There were traffic cones blocking off one of the lanes for miles, and traffic was insanely congested. When I finally reached the end of the construction zone there was a police officer parked on the inside of the cones by himself. There was no construction even going on, what the heck!? Another thing that I noticed over the weekend is that between Salt Lake and Payson there are like 4 different construction areas. Don't you think that a way to piss off less drivers, and do more work, would be to have 1 construction area at a time? They would quadruple the number of people working on each section of the freeway, and limit the amount of construction areas at one time. Thus improving every aspect of freeway construction experience. What is this state run by? apes? No, apes are smarter than that. Probably a combination of turkeys and goldfish. Just to clarify, those animals are the morons of the animal kingdom. Just like politicians are the morons of the human race. I don't understand how a politician is a job. I wish I could get paid to make an idiot of myself and make horrible decisions. We might as well have rocks as our political leaders. Yeah, they can't do anything helpful, but not doing anything could possibly be the best thing that ever happened to our country. At least a rock wouldn't make a decision that the country would regret for 10 years, or get the country into such an enormous amount of debt that we can be bought on ebay for 15 trillion dollars. The good thing about a rock is that it would do nothing, because obviously the people trying to do something are just making things worse. I think the biggest problem with the presidential elections is that you never have a good choice. It is like going to the grocery store and you can only buy cyanide and cigarettes. They are both gonna kill you, but one of them just takes longer. Maybe the next president should just hit the button that launches a bunch of nukes and end it all. That is one way to end world poverty and corruption, pretty sure that stuff can't exist if everyone is dead. Death must be a really scary thing for people that don't believe in God. I don't even know how scientist can even think that we are just the product of a galactic explosion. I don't see how that makes sense. They call religious people stupid, when it is them that are a few scientific discoveries away from proving the existence of God. They are the smartest people in the world, and yet, they are the dumbest people in the world. With that thought I bid you adieu until next time.

Education a scandal bigger than Watergate? I'd like to think so.

I could sleep, but I have some things on my mind. I just want to say how much I love the world that we live in. I love technology, and that almost anything we want to know about is literally at our fingertips. I am going to give you an example of what I am talking about. In my eyes, school, in a lot of ways, is a waste of time, and definitely a drain emotionally, physically, and mentally. I believe that this drain that school causes hurts us far more than it helps us. To paraphrase a professor: I don't understand testing. In real life you can use a book, you can ask a colleague if you don't completely understand something, and the internet is right there. I have thought this for years. The fact that a professor said this made me so happy. Finally, a teacher that understands! Anyway, this is a lot leading up to what I was originally going to say. I had an assignment due tonight in a class that I absolutely hate, One of those classes that you have to take for your program, but the class is pretty much just a lot of busy work that no one, except that annoying person in the front of the class that speaks way too much, wants to do. Speaking of that annoying person in the front of the class. How is it that in every single class there is one of those people? Without fail there will be someone sitting in the front of the room that thinks 1. that they are hilarious, 2. that everyone wants to listen to everything they have to say, and 3. that everything that they say is brilliant even though it is clear that they are a little mentally on the slow side. Then there is the other person you hate in the class. The over achiever. The person that when the test is graded based in the high score they scored 100% when everyone else got 75%. I respect this person for the time and effort that they put into their education. I respect that they work hard for their full ride scholarship and their 4.0. But, I hate this person because of cases such as the aforementioned testing scenario. To me life isn't about memorizing a bunch of information that I will likely forget the second the semester is over. Life is about having fun and learning through experiences, and out of interest. I get off subject a lot, for that I apologize. I am just very passionate about how horrible the education system is. Back to what I was saying. I hate my class. Tonight I had an assignment due on a subject that I care nothing about. My mom keeps telling me that since I have to take the class to graduate that I just need to find the "lesson(s) I need to learn" from the class. My problem is that the way my brain thinks doesn't allow me to do that when I know that the class has nothing to do with what I plan to do with my degree. So I had to read something and then answer an essay question about it on blackboard, if you don't know what that is it is basically an extension of the class that is online. Well I am about to read this bogus essay on the paradox of nothing and infinity, which to be honest is an interesting subject, but at this time in my life I could really care less about it because I am trying to educate myself on things relevant to my degree, which is Music and Visual Technologies. If I wanted to learn about the paradox of nothing and infinity I would just google it and read up on it. Funny I mention googling it, because that is exactly what I had to do. As I looked for the reading assignment I realized that I didn't have it (I am pretty sure that it was a print out, and for some reason I didn't get it). So I went to blackboard where there were links to PDF versions of our reading assignments. Well my teacher in this class happens to be that annoying person in the front of the room in this class, and because he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, the PDF version of our reading that he uploaded was sideways. There was no way I was about to read, sideways, a most likely 20+ page essay written by someone that is extremely long winded, and uses words that only a person that reads the dictionary front to back would know. So instead of reading this piece of crap I opened the essay question in blackboard and read it. I was hoping that I would be able to BS it, but unfortunately I didn't completely understand the concept it was asking me to explain. Up until this point I had no idea what the essay would be about. So I googled it a few times using different key words, and omitting certain words. Then, after a few times I found a forum where someone was discussing exactly what I needed to know. JACKPOT! Here is where education pisses me right off! In 4 sentences this guy in the forum explained what I would have been reading about for probably 30 minutes. It really angers me how much education is like this. I am the kind of person that doesn't want to hear about all the crap that people have to say. I want the facts, and to be able to understand the concept. Any more information then that, and I am just wasting my precious brain space.
Just to vent slightly more. Want to know another reason that education angers me? Well if you said no too bad because I am gonna tell you anyway. I started college with a completely optimistic outlook. I wanted to be a music major more than anything in this world. I had an idea of how I wanted to do things, and a very unique outlook on life. What I began noticing after a few years of college is how many people began adopting horrible professor's opinions on things. I could see people getting these ideas in their heads that I knew were very skewed. These professors that you are suppose to trust were teaching not facts, but their opinions. Many of them were breeding new horrible versions of themselves to plant all over the world. What I began to notice is that pretty much every student took the professors word as an absolute fact. These poor students had no idea, and were too young and impressionable to understand what was happening. I can think of the first instances of my noticing this happening. At Dixie State College where I wasted 3 years of my life, and ultimately ruined my chance of being a real musician with a degree that actually was more than just a piece of paper. There was a professor, who shall remain nameless. This professor taught music lessons. He told all of his students exactly what they wanted to hear. He told them that they were amazing, and that they had an incredible talent. That they could be pro. When I heard them perform I wanted to kill myself to get out of the room because it was so awful. That might be an exaggeration, but it was bad. He was lying to these students to get them to keep taking lessons, and to make them believe that they were something that they were not. Another instance that I can think of was when a different professor, who also shall not be named, was conducting. There was a 9/8 measure. This measure was to be conducted in a pattern where there were 9 distinct beats marked by the ictus of the baton. I hope you are following this. Well every time this professor would conduct this passage of music he would conduct 8 beats. He would then get angry at the students for not following him. It was obvious, at least to me, that it was him that was making the mistake. I raised my hand to tell him, and he just got mad at me. This wasn't the only occurrence of this teacher doing this either. It is just the one that sticks out in my mind the most.
Another thing about college education that I would like to point out is General Education. I am pretty sure that I already went to high school. So basically, I get to repeat what I did in high school, and pay, out of pocket for most people, thousands of dollars to do it all over again? This is to get an Associate Degree. In many colleges, at least in Utah, to get a bachelors degree in a certain discipline area you have to take what is basically upper division general ed classes. Usually about 15 or 16 credits. I think at Utah State they called them depth courses. They should have called them debt courses, because unless my math is wrong, which it isn't, 15 or 16 credits is an extra semester of classes. So basically what they are doing is getting an extra semester of tuition out of you, and they say it is to round you as an individual. I say Bull Crap! You just want an extra semester of tuition out of me so that the college can make money. Roughly 20,000 people graduated with a bachelors degree in Utah last year. Let's say that the average tuition is $2,000. That is approximately $40,000,000 dollars that was made in that extra semester of depth courses. Yeah, that is a real statistic. Do you really think that they have our education and our interests at heart? Haha, I seriously doubt it. I have nothing against educating ourselves, but I have a serious problem with the education system in our country. I find it difficult to take a class on something when I can find a tutorial on youtube that pretty much does the trick. Is it credible? I don't really know, but from my experience teachers aren't always credible sources either. Just something to think about.

I am sorry that this post wasn't exactly funny, but it is my blog and I don't get paid to make you laugh, yet, so I can write about whatever I want. So there!

Antidisestablishmentarianism...what does that even mean?

I would like to start off by apologizing to those of you who were offended by my last blog. I don't take back anything that I said, but I am sorry that you were offended by it. My reason for even writing in my blog is to provide entertainment for the bored who need a good laugh. Everything I say in my blogs needs to be read with the assumption that extreme sarcasm is being used in everything I say. There are a lot of times I don't agree with anything that I am writing, but I write it because it is funny. Since it was women that were offended by my last post I would like to personally tell you that I hold women in the highest esteem. I believe they are princesses, and should be treated as such. But, I also believe that, generally, women get offended too easily. With men you can pretty much tell us that we are lazy, ugly, useless, and downright stupid. We will agree with you. We know it is true. Do you really want to know why women for thousands of years were the house keepers? It is because they had intuition. They could figure out how to do all the complicated stuff that has to be done in the house. The guys couldn't figure out how to do it, so they just went out into the fields and did manual labor all day because they were big idiots. No wonder scientist think that men evolved from apes. Do you see much of a difference? We are hairy, we grunt when we are hungry, and we scratch our butt and then sniff our hand (that was a reference to a youtube video if you haven't seen it click here). We are just big dumb animals. Women are elegant, caring, and pretty much hope for the human race. Have I sucked up enough yet? Will you guys forgive me for joking about women now? I am going to assume yes, and now I am going to move on.

I was up pretty late last night, and I was watching The Patriot on tv. After about the 4th set of commercials I was thinking does anyone else get angry about commercials when a movie they own is on tv? You could just put the movie in the DVD player, but you just keep watching it on tv because you are lazy, even though you hate how often commercials come on. There definitely is something mystical about movies that you own that are on tv. If I am bored out of my mind and I am looking for a movie, I will look through my collection and find nothing that I want to watch. If I then turn on the tv and one of the movies I just dismissed is on I will most likely watch it. Is anyone else like that, or am I alone on that one? It isn't even that I am too lazy to put in the movie and watch it. Maybe it is just the freedom that you have with tv. I feel like when I am watching a movie on DVD I have committed my time to that movie. I can't really change it. Well theoretically I could, but I feel like I am bound to that movie until it is over. With tv I don't feel as bound to my movie or show choice. Once a commercial comes on I can change the channel at my leisure and not feel like I am breaking a commitment. Something I really enjoy about tv is sometimes you are watching something you really like, and then commercials come on for like 5 minutes. By this time I have totally forgotten what the heck I was watching. Then whatever I was watching comes on, and I am ecstatic. It is like forgetting there is dessert after dinner. Then you finish dinner and think to yourself "hmmm...I am still a little hungry, and boy do I have a sweet tooth." Then BAM! Ice cream and cake and cake! It is the greatest feeling ever. I can't even describe how awesome it is. You just have to experience the feeling for yourself. I am gonna completely change the subject right...now.
Clapping. I don't think people understand exactly how or when it is appropriate to do this. I was at an FHE on monday, if you don't know what FHE is ask a mormon near you, and the bishop was just making some announcements. Something like, welcome to the ward, we are happy that you are here, now eat a bunch of food. When he was done people started applauding like he had just performed Stravinsky's Firebird Suite with a didgeridoo, 2 tin flutes, and the Ocarina of Time. According to wikipedia: audiences are usually expected to applaud after a performance, such as a musical concert, speech, or play. I could be wrong, but, to me, he wasn't making a speech, it was more or less just a quick announcement. If the bishop had stood up behind a podium in a large top hat and suit, and said something along the lines of "four score and seven years ago..." it may have been appropriate to clap. But this was just not the case.

On to my last item of business. I know I talk a lot about girls, but it is just because I know so little about them. I am genuinely intrigued by them, and their habits. The one I am currently thinking about is how much girls change their clothes. There have been instances where I have seen a girl 4 times in 1 day, and every time she has been wearing something different. I may be exaggerating, it was probably like 3 times, but still. What is the deal with that? Is that why it takes you so long to get ready in the morning? You are picking out 4 different pairs of clothes to wear throughout the day? It's like you have your morning jogging clothes, your mid-morning pants with a light jacket, your afternoon short sleeve shirt and shorts, and your evening party dress. Then you have pj's. That is a lot to wear. With guys it is like 4 sets of clothes for the entire week. Usually, 1 set for each time we shower...if that. Heck, I know some guys that have 2 pairs of pants and 3 shirts, and that is all they have. It is the same way with shoes. Women have like 30 pairs of shoes, and they are all for a different purpose. The high heels for a really hot date, the running shoes, the casual heels that aren't as high as high heels but are still high enough to look professional and not like your on a date, sandals for when you are just hanging out, and Converse for when you want to feel Indy. Obviously that isn't 30, but you get the idea. Guys have 2 pairs of shoes, well at least I do. One pair that I bought last year, and 1 pair that I bought this year. They are completely multipurpose. The shoes I bought this year are what I wear to work, school, to hang out, and to church. The ones I bought last year I wear on camp outs, and things of that nature. Something else I don't really understand about women is how they are attracted to exotic men. So many girls I know would date a black guy, or just any kind of darker skinned guy before they would ever date a white guy. I am confused by this because when it comes to being attracted to a woman, I am pretty racist. I am pretty much only attracted to white, and some latino women. So anyway, that is just another reason why women confuse me.

THE END

Oh school thou heartless wench!

I thought it would be fitting to write a blog today, the day where so many young adults wake themselves up at inhumane hours of the morning and subject themselves to long durations of seemingly meaningless jabber from so called "professionals" in hopes of attaining a piece of paper that says they are good enough to be a part of this pathetic consumer driven society of obese dietitians and not so obese competitive eaters. Yes my friends, I am talking about college. That 4-8 year stepping stone of life that either makes you incredibly well off, or a homeless pot smoker, and everything in between. Not everything about college is bad though. I mean there are the girls. :) Oh yes, girls! From the completely naive freshman to the completely independent and either never getting married or marrying some random guy that she likes because of his "personality" senior. Unfortunately, because of technology being the way it is, all these girls that have moved away from home and their high school sweethearts have been able to keep in touch and hold long distance relationships. At least this is my theory. The whole point of college is to experience life, and be single...at least for a while. Yet, there have been 3 girls I have met in the past week that have boyfriends. Two of which are freshman this year. I know I can't be with every girl in the world, but all I am asking is that girls be single and give us college guys a chance. I know I always say I am never getting married, but that doesn't mean I don't want to date around and at least be friends with girls. It is quite difficult to hold a conversation with a girl who is constantly getting interrupted by her 500 mile away boyfriend who is protective and insecure about his "boo" being so far away from him. Maybe it's girls that call their boyfriend "boo", it doesn't matter you still get the point. Girls, if you are gonna go to college don't ruin it by having a boyfriend when you start. You will miss out on so many opportunities. Especially me. And another thing, you know that your boyfriend is at some other college hitting on girls and whatnot, and if you don't I do. Because only a douchebag would keep a girlfriend who is going to a different college, that or a guy who is actually in love with the girl. But let's be honest here, that is very rarely the case. I watch a lot of romantic comedies about college life and this exact situation. That makes me a professional on the subject.
So to drastically semi-change the subject. I went to school today at 10. Well actually at like 9:30, but whatever. Class started at 10, and I went into my class and sat down. Then it hit me. "Why am I here again?" I already went to Dixie. This part of my life is over. When I graduated with my associates degree I vowed never to return. Then I saw a really pretty girl and I remembered why I liked Dixie. ;) Ok, I have talked too much about women. I mean it isn't surprising at all. They are the driving force of all men...unless they are gay. In which case they are hardly men anyway. I don't think women really understand the power that they have. I mean this in all honesty. If a guy really likes a girl she literally has almost complete control over that man. She could tell him to cut off his foot and feed it to a carnivorous sloth and he would do it. I know that is a little over the top, maybe not. Women do like to make men do crazy things. Like cook, do the laundry, and wash the dishes. What's that about? It is hard enough for me to get up in the morning and have the drive to use the bathroom, and you want me to help with chores? Your anatomy alone makes you the key candidate for doing house work. You have small feet that enable you to stand close to the sink and counters, and your small stature makes it so you don't have to bend over the entire time you are washing dishes, or cutting whatever kind of food needs to be chopped. As far as the laundry goes, I don't even think guys know what that is. Without women we would be wearing the same pants and pair of underwear that we were wearing when we moved away from home. Our shirt collection would have chili stains, and most definitely blood from the rare steak that we ate with our bare hands on the 4th of July last summer. And even though women say they hate doing those chores we all know that you really do enjoy it. With out those chores you wouldn't have anything to hold over our head when you want us to do something. You know it's true. "I stay at home all day long and do this and do that...can't you just get off your butt for one second and take out the dang trash?" (My answer is no, because if we leave the remote left unattended you are gonna change the channel to something like extreme home make over or some garbage like that.) You wouldn't really have any leverage if you didn't do all the chores. You would never get to go to the Opera...I still don't understand why every wife in every show on t.v. wants to go to the Opera. There are two problems with that stereotype. First and foremost, I highly doubt that you are entertained by 2+ hours of straight music sung by people who sing with an uncontrollable vibrato. I can barely do it and I was a music major. Secondly, it's almost always in another language, and if there are subtitles they are way above the stage and if you are sitting close you get serious neck pains from looking up and down trying to watch the Opera and read the subtitles. Two hours of that and the chiropractor thinks you got in a serious car accident because you have whiplash. This is completely off subject. Do you think that chiropractors were originally from Cairo? That would be pretty cool. Pharaoh was like "hey, I need to go to the practor in Cairo. I put my back out when I went camel tipping last night." Pharaoh was a party animal he was. Back to what I was saying. Women love to have leverage over men, and men love to be lazy. It's like we were made for each other. And that is all I have to say about that.

(Insert Witty Title Here)

I haven't blogged in a while...for that I am sorry. I have started blogging a couple of times, but I didn't feel like they were things that would make people laugh, or be enjoyable to read. So I am going to try again. There has been something on my mind for a while now. It is people who complain about things that they don't understand. An example of this is people that say stuff like "global warming my butt" while it is snowing in the spring time. This is the one I see the most. The fact is that global warming is a real thing. The facts are that average temperatures have climbed 1.4 degrees Fahrenheit around the world since 1880, much of this in recent decades, according to NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies. The 20th century's last two decades were the hottest in 400 years. Glaciers and mountain snows are rapidly melting—for example, Montana's Glacier National Park now has only 27 glaciers, versus 150 in 1910. Arctic ice is rapidly disappearing, and the region may have its first completely ice-free summer by 2040 or earlier. Those are just a few of the facts I have found. I know that in your small little world you think you know everything just because your parents said you were special when you were growing up. Actually, when they were saying you are special they were saying you are retarded. I hate to be the person telling you this, but you were gonna find out some day. Better in my blog then getting publicly flogged because of your idiocy. I can't blame your parents for saying you were special instead of telling you the truth. Heck, they probably had no idea either. For some reason many parents are blind to their children's inadequacies. This is why a lot of the people you hate are the way they are. Their parents were unable to see the flaws in their jerk child. Because of this the parents never disciplined the child, and they became what we know now as douchebags, and, for lack of a better term, douchebaguettes (not to be confused with a type of french bread). This same thing happens when people are in the lovey dovey part of their relationship. They are unable to see flaws in each other. They are too infatuated with each other, and it is impossible for them to see past that. Unfortunately, here in Utah I am afraid that a lot of people get married in that stage of infatuation, and then a year or so later they find themselves questioning what they got themselves into. There is something with marriage in Utah that I do agree with though. That is getting married at an early age. When you are young you are naive, and you are not set in your own ways. That combination makes finding a marriage companion easier. The point I was trying to get at when I started this thought was that people need to think, and, heaven forbid, research things before they open their mouths and show how stupid they are.
Anyway, enough talk about marriage...that's gay. Just kidding its quite straight, and hopefully it will stay like that. Freaking gays wanting equal rights, what are you black women? Seriously though, if anything just give them a civil service that gives them the tax breaks and legal stuff that married people get. Where I draw the line is religious marriage services. If gays think that God wants them to get married they obviously don't understand religion that much. God designed our bodies to procreate with the opposite sex...'nuff said. What makes me laugh is when people say stuff like "there are 500 species of insects and whatever that show homosexual tendencies". To that I say "So..." what does that have to do with anything? All that means is that insects are puny brained, horny, and well that pretty much sums it up. So really you are just offending yourselves by saying that. I really don't have any problems with gay people. I have said it before and I will say it again, I am just gonna let natural selection do what it will.

So I keep seeing this preview for Shark Night 3D. I gotta tell you I am not going to see it. Obviously the people in this movie aren't smart enough to stay out of the water after a shark attacks one of them. How are people that stupid? If it was me in that situation I would do the same thing any person with a brain would do, I would stay out of the water. I wouldn't jump into the water and try to kill it. My chances of survival are very low if I did something brainless like that. It is the same with most horror movies. If there is a killer and I know about it, I am getting the crap outta there. Then there are the movies where creepy paranormal stuff is happening in their house. After a couple of scary things happened I would be out of there as well. I wouldn't stay there and then start checking out the basement and the attic. Everyone knows that is where are all the scary crap is. Even if there is nothing scary in your house. It is still scary there. You don't go there unless it is extremely necessary. I have clean underwear on, and I want to keep it that way as long as possible. Oh, I just remembered something else I wanted to say. I was watching The 3 Musketeers a couple months ago and I was thinking after the big fight scene at the end. Who cleans up all the dead bodies in the castle and all over the courtyard after this is over? That would have to be the worst job ever. The should do a dirty jobs episode on body clean up in afghanistan. I am not really trying to be funny by saying this, I mean laugh if you want, but I am serious. That would be the worst job ever. You probably don't even get paid for it. So it probably isn't even a job. It is like volunteer work. That's gotta suck. That's why I don't volunteer for anything, because I could get stuck with that. That's why in church when someone asks for a volunteer to say the prayer the room just falls silent. They know. That is gateway volunteering. I know exactly where that road goes.

Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows part 2...The best comedy of the summer!

Have you noticed all these frozen yogurt places? It would be difficult not to, they are everywhere. I really don't understand the whole craze about these places. They are over priced and half of them you have to make your own. I don't know about the rest of you, but I go out to eat so that people can serve me. I am not paying to make my own food while the people behind the counter just sit there and make money while they watch me work. I am not a slave!!!! Then I get to the cash register and they charge me 5 bucks. Are you kidding me? I just got 12oz of fro-yo (that's what the hip youngsters are calling it these days). Another reason that I am not fond of them is because everyone says that one is better than the other. Which doesn't make sense. I am certain that there is only one company that sends the mix to every store. From what I have heard there are two places that are pretty much the same except for their location...Menchies and Krave. Strange thing is that everyone thinks that one is better than the other. It would make sense if most people said that one was better than the others, but it's about half and half. Why don't you health freaks just calm down and go get some ice cream. Do you really think fro-yo is better for you than ice cream? Ha, I bet you still think that santa clause is responsible for your presents on christmas, and that the easter bunny is pooping out eggs in random places for you to find. The truth is the health food fad is really a government conspiracy to make money from the idiots in America and slowly kill them. They charge you extra money for "healthy food" to pay for all the money they have borrowed from China, and on top of that they lace all the food with small amounts of arsenic. If you want to have real healthy food why don't you get off your lazy butt and grow a garden and buy some cows and chickens to slaughter? Oh, I forgot you live in America and don't know what those things are.

So I had an interesting experience tonight that I would like to share with any who want to read about it. I went and saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2. I am pretty sure that is the longest title for a movie ever. I could be wrong, it just seemed like it took me a long time to type it. If I was smart I would have typed "Ha" into google and just copied and pasted it from the search results. Unfortunately, I didn't think of that until after I typed it. Just to warn you I am going to give away the entire movie with this post. So if you haven't seen the movie or read the book Dumbledore dies...jk he really dies, but just in the 5th movie, or the 6th one. Well the real one died after like the 2nd or 3rd, but that is beside the point. The movie wasn't bad. I can't complain I got to see Emma Watson looking hot for 2 hours, and I had some good laughs because unlike most of the people that are into Harry Potter I can get a good laugh when a character dies. Like after Harry dies and Voldemort says "Harry Potter is dead" then he laughs a little bit then his entire mob starts laughing. I nearly died laughing. It never really explains how Harry was able to come back from the dead...oh well. Then after he comes back from the dead he defeats Voldemort and finds out he is the rightful owner of the elder wand. So he literally could have power over death and become the most powerful wizard in the world. What does he do? Breaks it and throws it off a cliff, and before he "dies" he drops the stone that brings people back from the dead in the middle of the forest. What a moron! If I had that kind of power I probably wouldn't do much. At the very least I would probably bring Heath Ledger back from the dead, make myself a bunch of delicious food every day, and use the cloak of invisibility to go into the girls bathroom...to find out once and for all if there is really a couch in there or if people were just making it up.
So back to the movie. My experience in the theater was awful. I got in there and it was like 100 degrees. Then I look up at the screen and there is some light or something hanging from the ceiling right in front of the top left of the screen. I could not stop looking at it for the first 5 minutes of the movie, and every time my eye wandered up to that part of the screen I would start laughing. Then close to the end of the movie some idiot opened the door to the projection room and left it open. So there was a huge glare on the screen. It was ridiculous. Some how with all of that going on I actually enjoyed the movie. Of course I was laughing more than anything else. There are just so many things in that movie that my mind added to make it awkward or just random. And there were just a bunch of funny deaths where people just got owned by something. Like Snape, he totally gets owned by Voldemort's snake, and I couldn't help but chuckle. I am pretty sure that the fact that Snape is a good guy is just something that J.K. Rowling added at the last second just to mess with people. To be honest with a name like J.K. I would expect something like that, and it turned out to be J.K. Snape is a good guy. The best joke would be if on the very last line of the book she said "J.K. Harry is really dead! Take that you lifeless nerds."

Avada Kedavra!

My thoughts on Captain America...and some other thoughts

Ok it is definitely time to blog again. You wanna know how I can tell? Because I am bored out of my mind. I have had quite an interesting week actually. On Sunday night I went to my friend Keean's house and played games with some friends I haven't seen in a long time. It was actually quite enjoyable. Unfortunately, I had no idea that on that night my phone would meet it's demise. Later that evening on my drive home I tried to text someone with my touch screen on my LG enV Touch. Alas, the screen didn't work. I wasn't surprised, the phone had been giving me trouble since about 3 months after I got it. That was about a year and a half ago. Anyway, I just figured I could restart it and it would work again. I was wrong. I could have lived without the touch screen working because the touch screen barely worked anyway. The fact that they called it a touch screen was generous. It was more like a useless screen. After restarting the phone and realizing that the screen didn't work any more I also noticed that the screen light was staying on. If I completely locked the screen it would light up a second later. This caused the battery to die extremely fast. So here I was late Sunday evening trying to figure out what I was going to do now. To make a short story long, I sat up that night thinking about getting a new phone. So I contacted my sister and told her about my stupid dead phone and that I wanted to get a new one. Ok, I am gonna make the story short. I got an iPhone 4! I do not regret the purchase at all. It is the best thing ever. I really like apple products. They are far superior to any other product. I didn't get on here to talk about my iPhone though. I could, but I don't want to bore you.

Isn't it weird how if you wake up 5 minutes earlier than normal you are like 30 minutes early for work or school? Seriously, When I am in the middle of a semester I will wake up with my alarm clock and get ready with the same routine every day, but I will get to school literally right before it starts, or a little after. If I get up 5 minutes earlier I am 30 minutes early for school. How is this possible? I was talking to a friend about this last week, and he said the same thing happens to him. So I know I am not alone on this. If you haven't tried this I suggest you do. It is miraculous. It is like there is a void in time in that 5 minutes before you normally wake up. It is my belief that the key to time manipulation lies in that 5 minutes. There is some sort of supernatural phenomenon in that small window of time that needs to be scientifically studied. Oddly enough, I didn't get on here to talk about that either.

I saw Captain America twice this weekend, once in 2D and then in 3D. For those of you who haven't seen it, I strongly suggest that you do. Not only is it awesome, it is awesome! There is a preview for The Amazing Spiderman and that promises to be a good movie. I did like the other spiderman movies but they were a little corny for my taste. And the new one looks like it will be following the way the comics were. One of the amazing things about Captain America was the way they were able to make Chris Evans look like a shrimp. The first 20 minutes or more of the movie he is scrawny and short. I was reading up on how they did that, and based on what I read they actually filmed him normally and shrunk him down in the post production. Originally, what I thought they did was have a small guy and put Chris Evan's face on him, but I was wrong. It is incredible how good it looked though. They did a really good job with that in this movie. I would have liked to see a little more of Captain America kicking butt, but I was definitely ok with the amount they had. Honestly, I don't think I could have been fully satisfied by any amount of action they could have had in this movie. I would have just wanted more. One thing I didn't like was that the love story isn't resolved, but there aren't many movies like that and I think that they will take care of that in The Avengers...hopefully. Besides that I loved the movie.
One thing I still cannot understand is people that leave before the credits are over in a movie like that. Are you kidding me? That is like reading a book and putting it down before reading the last page where it wraps everything up. That is actually a bad analogy for me because I don't read books, but still. It is common knowledge that movies like this have stuff after the credits. If you don't know that then you shouldn't be allowed in public because obviously you are an idiot. Oh, I thought of another analogy, it's like eating a candy bar and throwing away the last bite...who does that? What I am trying to say is that if you are gonna see Captain America stay through the credits because there is something that you will want to see at the end.
So obviously people on facebook don't appreciate pure gold when it comes to humor. My facebook status for 3 days has been "So wait...is xXx gonna be in The Avengers?" Obviously, no one gets it because I have no comments or likes on my status. Samuel L. Jackson plays Nick Fury in the recent Marvel movies. He also plays the guy that recruits Vin Diesel in xXx. Do you get it now? It's not funny now that I have to explain it. Seriously people get with the program. I give you comedic gold and I get nothing. How about this, now that you get my status go "like" it or comment on it. This will serve 2 purposes, I will know who reads my blog and it will make me feel popular. This is somewhat completely off subject, but why is Indiana Jones scared of snakes? They are natures belt. Not to be confused with the equator, which is earth's belt. Sorry Indiana Jones is on tv and I am getting distracted. On that note I will bid you all farewell. Stay tuned, next time I will be live from Denver, the city that almost looks like the word Beaver...but not really.

Au revoir

google+gum=immigration

I have been writing a lot lately...just an observation. I know my last blog was about facebook, but I feel it is important to address something that has just recently come to my attention. Have you heard of google+? For my sake I hope not. I haven't actually tried it yet, but from what I am hearing it is a new social network that could have the potential of taking over facebook. Here is why I am against it. Facebook is the norm now, everyone has gotten use to the fact that it is the social network to use. If we let this change then we are gonna have to start all over again. Everyone starts with their friends at 0 and you have to rebuild that network of people. Some of these people took 5 or 6 years to get a facebook. If google+ starts taking over these people, based on the math, probably won't get a google+ acount until 2020. It is an exponential thing, after google+ gets old these people will die before they ever get to the thing after google+. I say we let google keep the money they have, and reject them getting any more by not joining. I don't understand why google doesn't just combine with facebook. Obviously, google wants to be the most powerful thing on the web, but they should just calm down a little bit and let other people do things. If they combine with facebook it would be like Luke joining Darth Vader. They would rule the internet galaxy as google and son. I am not saying that facebook is the son of google...it just fit. But, who knows maybe the guy who invented google is the real father of Mark Zuckerberg. I am also not saying that google is like the dark side. Although, I do feel that google is the Wal-Mart of the web, except without the trailer trash and horrible smells.
I have heard that google+ offers the cleanliness that facebook did originally, that is nice, but how long until it is just as cluttered as facebook is now, or myspace was when everyone stopped using it. I know for certain that people are never satisfied. If google+ takes over it is just a matter of time before everyone gets sick of them. My point being, just stay on facebook. Find a way to write them about what you don't like about facebook, and if enough people write them about that problem I am sure they will change it. If they don't change it they are stupid and they deserve to be taken over. I personally do not think that the facebook team is stupid, they are quite smart. Also, I don't really want to lose the stability I have with facebook just because a greedy company is smart enough to do things that facebook isn't doing right now. Give facebook some time, they are working on some pretty cool stuff. I am certain when they are done they will start changing things to make it better...hopefully.

I mentioned Wal-Mart earlier. I had an experience there that I told myself I was going to talk about, but silly me I forgot until I was reminded of it. I went to Wal-Mart with some people and we got some of those fruit smoothie things that are in the back of the store in the juice fridge isle thingy. By the way this isn't the important part of the story I am just prefacing the events that happened right after this. So we checked out and walked out the automatic doors then WHAM! I stepped in a piece of gum. I hate people that are that lazy. It was literally 2 feet from a trash can. Gum chewers are much like cigarette smokers when it comes to littering. The difference is that when I step on gum in 100+ degree weather it sticks all up in the grooves of my shoes. I really wish that I had magical powers, or that I could curse people. I would make it so people get exactly what they deserve. In this case I would make it so that all the gum chewers that spit out their gum all over the sidewalk and in the street would step in gum every step they took for the next month. I would hope that after that they would learn their lesson. Unfortunately, some people think that if something happens to them they need to get even with the rest of the world. So they do whatever it was that was done to them they do back to everyone else. School is where this happens the most. I don't know how many times a teacher has told me "we had to suffer through this in school, and now so do you." Wow you are a great educator. How did you get this job, by beating your children mercilessly because you got the belt as a child? It surprises me how few educators are actually trying to make things better for the students. Most of them are just bitter angry people that somehow got into college and couldn't really perform in the area that they were studying so they decided to teach, and because of tenure they continue to ruin students for the rest of their career. If there is one thing that I have learned from 5 years of college it is that the education system doesn't teach students how to think for themselves and learn. It teaches them how to memorize a bunch of crap and forget it really fast. After 4-8 years of doing this the student leaves passionless, and with their teachers opinions and ideals burned into their minds. And the trend will just continue until we get a white president that makes education better. Having a black one hasn't really done anything. Maybe now that we have had a black president that was just as crappy as all the ones before him, people will realize we need to start voting for a president that will change things for the better. Instead of someone that will make them feel that americans aren't racist. But we all know that we are. The only reason a black man became president is because the electoral college finally outnumbered white people with black people during the election. I feel that if we are gonna have a black man as president it should be Michael Clarke Duncan. I would do anything that man told me to, and so would every country. If you don't know who that is, look him up and you will agree. There is no way a hispanic man is getting into office. There would be no end to immigration if that happened. The white house would have no vacant rooms because all his "family" would be living there, and no actual american could understand him when he addressed the country. Anyway, that's all I have to say. Seriously, if someone wants me to talk about something let me know. I would love to address any questions that people have.

Later

Planking, Smoking, and Gaying

Ok here is the deal. At first I thought it was just one person's inside joke so I was ok with it. Then I saw more and more people doing it. So I googled it, and I found out that not only is it not just an inside joke, it has a facebook page with 472,555 likes. What is this phenomenon you ask. It is planking. Wikipedia defines planking as:

"The lying down game (also known as planking, or face downs) is an activity, popular in various parts of the world, consisting of lying face down in an unusual or incongruous location. The hands must touch the sides of the body, and having a photograph of the participant taken and posted on the Internet is an integral part of the game. Players compete to find the most unusual and original location in which to play. The location should also be as public as possible, and as many people as possible should be involved."

Does anyone else find this as stupid as I do? My question is how can something this lame be such a hype? It seems like everyone is doing it too. Friends on facebook that I thought were sane and logical people are laying down and taking these ridiculous pictures of themselves lying down on random crap. I think I am gonna start a new picture taking craze called standing. What you do is you stand some where and someone takes a picture of you. The rules are that you have to have your hands awkwardly placed inside your pants, your feet have to be out to the side like a ballerina, and you have to try to bite your ear. The more weirded out and disturbed people that you capture in the picture the better your picture is. I expect to see at least 100 photos of this on facebook by next weekend. Seriously though, who makes this crap up? Maybe a guy suffering from catatonic rigidity and narcolepsy was on a boat and nearly fell overboard, but got stuck on the edge of the boat. Then some guy took a picture of him, and said "dude, that guy was totally like a plank." That is just my theory of how something like this could have manifested. I am not sure. All I know is that I personally think it is a very stupid thing, and that gigs, maybe even terabytes, of space are being wasted with these pictures. If I had children and they were involved in this planking crap I would disown them, and if they continued on with their idiotic ways I would kill them. I will not have my name be ruined. If I had kids that stupid it would be my responsibility to get rid of them. That is the problem with the world today. Sickness isn't getting rid of the idiots fast enough and parents aren't doing their part in getting rid of the stupid ones either. Back in the day, the stupid and sickly children would have died at young ages, but now they live and pollute the world with their stupidity because of medical advancements. I will be the first to admit that I am one of those idiots polluting the world, but fortunately I don't pollute it with pictures of me laying down on stupid stuff.

I am now going to talk about another form of pollution. I can't believe it has taken me so long to blog about this one. I would never gamble. Why you ask? I will tell you. I can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke, or any kind of smoke for that matter. Campfire smoke is the most tolerable, but even then it is quite annoying. If you are a smoker and you get offended easily I suggest you stop reading now, because I don't have many nice things to say about you. I am sure that there are polite and humane smokers out there, but you make about .0001% of the smoker population. The rest of you are all jerks and I hope that the next cigarette you smoke kills you. I have a question first, as I usually do, how is smoking enticing? How exactly did you get into that whole life style of pissing off regular air breathers such as myself? Did you think to yourself "hmm, I am sick of breathing normal air. I think I am gonna go breath some smoke." Obviously, they sold them back in the day as a way to calm you down, but there is so much anti-smoking stuff out now that only an idiot would start. Yet, they still continue to smoke. So here it is, why I can't stand smokers.
There is a law in Utah that proves to be apparently pointless. Yet, there are signs everywhere about it. It is the sign that you are smoking next to, I believe it says "NO SMOKING WITHIN 25 FEET OF BUILDING." It is possible that with your smoke blowing all over the place you might be reading it as "SMOKE RIGHT NEXT TO THE BUILDING AND MAKING SURE THAT YOU BLOW SMOKE RIGHT AT THE GROUPS OF PEOPLE WALKING INTO THIS BUILDING." Unfortunately, you are reading it wrong. It is possible that smokers are uneducated and can't read. I would believe this since it was in elementary that they taught us not to smoke. Either way it is rude, and I would appreciate it if you would obey the law. Another thing that bothers me about smokers is how much they litter. I use to work at a gas station, and I had to clean up hundreds of cigarette butts every night when I swept the parking lot. A job that could have taken 3 minutes turned into a 10+ minute job because smokers didn't put their cigarette butts in a freaking ash tray. I don't get serious about very many things, but smokers anger me beyond belief. ARRGGG!

New subject...gays. I personally don't have a problem with them, I don't think what they are doing is right. But I will just let natural selection have its way with them. I do have an opinion about them though. I believe that a lot of gay people are being gay just because they want to be accepted. I am certain that there are actual gay people, but I am also certain that there are just a lot of people that want to belong and feel like they are a part of something. Here is how I know. I saw a gay guy the other day, and for quite some time I was trying to figure out if it was a guy or a girl. It took me at least 2 minutes of staring to finally figure it out. So, I started to think a little bit. It doesn't make sense that a gay guy would be attracted to another guy that looks like a girl. It also doesn't make sense that a gay woman would be attracted to a girl that looks like a guy. Are you following? Here is where I believe the distinction between real gay people and pretend gay people lies. If a gay guy is attracted to a guy that looks like a woman it would seem that he is straight would it not? The only difference between this guy and your average guy is the second that a normal guy finds out its a guy, he looks away and throws up a little in his mouth because he realizes he was just checking out a guy. I hope I am making a clear point here, it only makes sense to me that this is the case. I personally don't understand how a woman could be attracted to guy, they are slobby, lazy, stupid, and lazy. I mean, I enjoy being friends with other guys because we all share the stupid gene together so we get along, but men being attracted to other men? I mean there is something wrong there. I am sorry for those people. Women on the other hand are praised for their beauty, it makes sense to me that women would be attracted to other women just because women are actually attractive. This doesn't mean that I think that it is right in any way, I just understand how it could happen. Anyway, what I am getting at is that a guy attracted to a guy that looks like a girl just doesn't make any sense, just go after a girl. They are more attractive and they make you food.

By the way, I would never kill one of my children. I was joking around. Just in case you were wondering.

Facebook is charging!!

Dear friends,

I am surprised at some peoples stupidity...wait let me back up a little bit. I should address one thing before I make fun of people. Happy 4th of July yesterday. Nothing says I love my country like a bunch of fireworks. That, beer, and bad decisions. I spent my 4th of July with friends, and we had a small party/BBQ, it was quite entertaining. Anyway enough about me. I have come to discuss some things that I feel are important to discuss, trust me I wouldn't waste my time writing about things that I don't feel are important. A long time ago on a website far far away. There was a guy named Tom. Tom was a creator of a website that, for a while, was taking over social networking as we knew it. During this time people repeatedly kept sending me messages that Myspace was going to start charging for profiles unless you went into a dark cave and got a dragon egg and sent it to Tom at the Myspace offices...or something like that. Anyway, it was obvious to me that this was a scam, but unfortunately a lot of people seem to lack the intelligence to see through these types of things. It was also around this time that I found out that I can't really trust anything that anyone says, because chances are they are full of a four letter word, this can be any word of your choosing for these purposes. Anyway, Tom sent messages to everyone on Myspace assuring that there was no way that he was going to charge people for Hisspace, haha that's funny, but people kept sending me those same chain messages. Why do I bring this up you ask? Well I will tell you. Yesterday, or a couple of days ago...it's not really important, I saw someone post on their wall that facebook is going to start charging for profiles. Some times I wonder if people were made just for the sole purpose of annoying me. I am sorry if this is going to offend you, but honestly you deserve to be offended if you are this big of an idiot! First of all, if facebook was going to start charging you, wouldn't there be some kind of message when you logged in at the top of the screen that says "Hey, starting on this date we are gonna start charging." There wouldn't be a message cycling around through a bunch of random people about it telling you to do some ridiculous thing. Secondly, facebook is probably one of the richest companies in the world. Mark Zuckerberg is the youngest billionaire in history, there is no way that he would start charging for something that he is making that much money from. Thirdly, the money comes from advertising and investors. Have you noticed that when you download an app there are sometimes 2 options, you can buy it for $.99 or you can get the free version with the annoying ads in it. Either way they are making money. Same basic concept. I think I have vented enough about that, if you still don't understand this concept I have a shovel and a very large garden in the back yard in which I will bury you. The world could deal with less morons, and I would be proud to do my part in getting rid of some of them.

Speaking of facebook, what is the deal with people that don't have a profile? Get off your high horse and join the rest of the world. It is really difficult to facebook stalk you if you don't have a facebook. Oh, and if you think it is creepy that people facebook stalk, you should watch the movie The Social Network, because that is pretty much what facebook was made for. Although, that is not only what facebook is used for now. You can have your profile settings so that no one can see your profile, that is fine with me...I can stalk you in real life, but I need to know you exist, and the only way I can do that is if you have a facebook. To be blunt, you are pretty much dead to me and to the rest of the world if you don't have a facebook profile. That is how everything is done now. Party invites, wedding invites, more party invites, what people are doing, where they are, party invites. Are you getting the picture? You are literally socially dead if you don't have a facebook. Even if you have one and you don't check it, it still gives the illusion that you are on there, but no one will even think of you if you aren't, and you will most likely die alone with a bunch of cats...that probably have a facebook page. Don't give the excuse that you are gonna waste a bunch of time on it, that is your fault, learn to control yourself if you have time issues. I am not talking about old people here, old people can die, they don't need facebooks. I think there should be an age restriction on facebook honestly, I don't want my grandma looking at everything I am doing. Actually, I wouldn't be worried about that, everyone over 45 in my family doesn't even know how to open a web browser, not to mention figure out how facebook works. My point is that facebook is how you are social now, if you are a social person, you need a facebook. Either for the betterment of yourself or for everyone else. Don't be selfish, don't make excuses, don't be old and technologically in-advanced. Get a facebook.

This has been a message from
THE FOUNDATION FOR A BETTER LIFE®

Sunburn Sucks!

I wasn't planning on writing a post today, but I guess I might as well. It is something to do. I went to fish lake this weekend with my friends Jason and Nick and their family. It was pretty fun aside from the fact that everyone got to shower and use the bathroom in the trailer except for me. The problem with being a big guy is that things aren't exactly made for people of my stature. I think people that mass produce things don't give that enough thought. Seriously, like 3 feet more in a RV bathroom or 2 more inches of space on a roller coaster ride. Is that too much to ask? I don't know how many times I have gone to a theme park and not been able to ride a ride because it was an inch or less too small for me to fit into. Is it really that difficult for designers to make things a little bigger? I mean come on, people in America are the fattest people in the world, specifically in Texas I have heard, and they are still making rides for people that are 6 feet tall and 200 lbs. What is the deal with that? It is like they are torturing the larger people. Which makes no sense since there is so much terrible food in theme parks. Not terrible in taste, but in quality. This is only one example of things I have to deal with as a 6'3" larger than average male. I don't even consider myself obese, I mean yeah I am fat, but some people are faaaat. What do they do if I am having this much trouble? Probably sit at home and eat twinkies is my guess. That is what I would do if I were any fatter. I am not gonna lie, I have reservations about sitting on some chairs. The structural integrity is about as good as a piece of plywood on top of 4 toothpicks. My point is that we live in a country that is turning into the future that Wall-E predicted, and the people mass producing most things obviously don't care that they are making things unusable for a large percentage of the American populous.

So anyway, I went to fish lake and I realized that I am an idiot. Who is white and lays out in a boat on the lake for 4 hours with out any sun protection? I do, Jason even put some on, but apparently I lack the intelligence to think ahead. Now here I am 3 days later with a face peeling so bad that I can't even go out in public without feeling extremely self conscious. This isn't the first time something like this has happened either. It is the worst though, so maybe this time I will actually learn to put on sun screen when I am in the sun. Some times I wonder how I have survived 23 years, if I am that dumb. I can only imagine that in the zombie apocalypse someone will come up with a zombie repellant and I will most likely say "nah, I don't need that. I will be fine." Speaking of zombie apocalypses I had a dream the other night about canaries. Just kidding, I had a dream about zombies, and my friends all had super abilities and all I had was a shot gun. It was really weird. I am not the kind of person that analyzes dreams, but if I were, based on this dream, I would think that either I think that my friends are better than me, or that my mind thinks I would be better protected by a shot gun than supernatural abilities. I personally like to think that dreams like that don't have meaning, and they are just way cool. I had a dream once where I was being chased by vampires, and it must have been right after I watched Ace Ventura When Nature Calls, because all of the sudden there is this huge monster truck parked on the side of the road with the keys in it. And of course I climbed in and started running all of the vampires over. Fortunately for me, the vampires in this dream didn't have the ability to turn into bats or anything. I am actually not sure completely that they were even vampires, except for the fact that my dream specified that vampires were chasing me. I don't think that through the course of my dream I ever saw fangs, or blood, or anything like that. For all I know I left my wallet in the grocery store and these people were chasing me to give it back. Either way, they were crushed by a very conveniently placed monster truck. I have some very strange dreams, like I dreamt once that my mom had to get all of her limbs cut off for some reason. Like to support our family or something. Ironically in order for her to support the family she couldn't support herself (laugh here). I once watched a documentary about dreams on Netflix. It said that the reason we have nightmares is to prepare our nervous system for different scenarios allowing us to actually mentally experience something without having to physically experience it. I thought that was pretty cool.

Speaking of Netflix, wanna know how awesome my life is right now? I literally spent the entire day watching a show on Netflix called Top Shot. 10 episodes at 43 minutes a piece. I will do the math for you right now so that the people with poor math skills don't hurt themselves trying to figure out how many hours I wasted today. It is a little over 7 hours. It was a fairly entertaining show though. The only problem I had with it is that it was an elimination based reality show. It started with 2 teams that compete head to head, and if a team loses they have to go to an elimination round and vote off one of their own team members. And I swear on my life, every reality show like this has the same host. Besides that, does anyone besides me feel like they should vary shows like this? It is like they have a reality show template, and all they do is throw the name of the show in it and change nothing else. This template was original 10 years ago when survivor was first aired, but it has grown old and I wish that they would vary it. Even if it is just a little bit. Maybe they aren't allowed to change it. Like there was a meeting 12 years ago between the makers of the first reality game show, and they wrote something along the lines of what was written at the end of the book of revelations. For I testify unto every man that writeth a reality show, If any director shall add unto these things, Richard Hatch shall add unto him the plagues of obesity, severe tooth decay, and cataracts. A lot of people think that this was written about all reality shows, but we know chronologically that not all reality shows had been written by that time, and that they were specifically talking about reality game shows. I have gotten off subject, the point is that I think they should have a little variety in these types of shows. Anyway, I am gonna lotion/aloe vera up my sunburned face and arms.

Ciao