I would like to start off by apologizing to those of you who were offended by my last blog. I don't take back anything that I said, but I am sorry that you were offended by it. My reason for even writing in my blog is to provide entertainment for the bored who need a good laugh. Everything I say in my blogs needs to be read with the assumption that extreme sarcasm is being used in everything I say. There are a lot of times I don't agree with anything that I am writing, but I write it because it is funny. Since it was women that were offended by my last post I would like to personally tell you that I hold women in the highest esteem. I believe they are princesses, and should be treated as such. But, I also believe that, generally, women get offended too easily. With men you can pretty much tell us that we are lazy, ugly, useless, and downright stupid. We will agree with you. We know it is true. Do you really want to know why women for thousands of years were the house keepers? It is because they had intuition. They could figure out how to do all the complicated stuff that has to be done in the house. The guys couldn't figure out how to do it, so they just went out into the fields and did manual labor all day because they were big idiots. No wonder scientist think that men evolved from apes. Do you see much of a difference? We are hairy, we grunt when we are hungry, and we scratch our butt and then sniff our hand (that was a reference to a youtube video if you haven't seen it click here). We are just big dumb animals. Women are elegant, caring, and pretty much hope for the human race. Have I sucked up enough yet? Will you guys forgive me for joking about women now? I am going to assume yes, and now I am going to move on.
I was up pretty late last night, and I was watching The Patriot on tv. After about the 4th set of commercials I was thinking does anyone else get angry about commercials when a movie they own is on tv? You could just put the movie in the DVD player, but you just keep watching it on tv because you are lazy, even though you hate how often commercials come on. There definitely is something mystical about movies that you own that are on tv. If I am bored out of my mind and I am looking for a movie, I will look through my collection and find nothing that I want to watch. If I then turn on the tv and one of the movies I just dismissed is on I will most likely watch it. Is anyone else like that, or am I alone on that one? It isn't even that I am too lazy to put in the movie and watch it. Maybe it is just the freedom that you have with tv. I feel like when I am watching a movie on DVD I have committed my time to that movie. I can't really change it. Well theoretically I could, but I feel like I am bound to that movie until it is over. With tv I don't feel as bound to my movie or show choice. Once a commercial comes on I can change the channel at my leisure and not feel like I am breaking a commitment. Something I really enjoy about tv is sometimes you are watching something you really like, and then commercials come on for like 5 minutes. By this time I have totally forgotten what the heck I was watching. Then whatever I was watching comes on, and I am ecstatic. It is like forgetting there is dessert after dinner. Then you finish dinner and think to yourself "hmmm...I am still a little hungry, and boy do I have a sweet tooth." Then BAM! Ice cream and cake and cake! It is the greatest feeling ever. I can't even describe how awesome it is. You just have to experience the feeling for yourself. I am gonna completely change the subject right...now.
Clapping. I don't think people understand exactly how or when it is appropriate to do this. I was at an FHE on monday, if you don't know what FHE is ask a mormon near you, and the bishop was just making some announcements. Something like, welcome to the ward, we are happy that you are here, now eat a bunch of food. When he was done people started applauding like he had just performed Stravinsky's Firebird Suite with a didgeridoo, 2 tin flutes, and the Ocarina of Time. According to wikipedia: audiences are usually expected to applaud after a performance, such as a musical concert, speech, or play. I could be wrong, but, to me, he wasn't making a speech, it was more or less just a quick announcement. If the bishop had stood up behind a podium in a large top hat and suit, and said something along the lines of "four score and seven years ago..." it may have been appropriate to clap. But this was just not the case.
On to my last item of business. I know I talk a lot about girls, but it is just because I know so little about them. I am genuinely intrigued by them, and their habits. The one I am currently thinking about is how much girls change their clothes. There have been instances where I have seen a girl 4 times in 1 day, and every time she has been wearing something different. I may be exaggerating, it was probably like 3 times, but still. What is the deal with that? Is that why it takes you so long to get ready in the morning? You are picking out 4 different pairs of clothes to wear throughout the day? It's like you have your morning jogging clothes, your mid-morning pants with a light jacket, your afternoon short sleeve shirt and shorts, and your evening party dress. Then you have pj's. That is a lot to wear. With guys it is like 4 sets of clothes for the entire week. Usually, 1 set for each time we shower...if that. Heck, I know some guys that have 2 pairs of pants and 3 shirts, and that is all they have. It is the same way with shoes. Women have like 30 pairs of shoes, and they are all for a different purpose. The high heels for a really hot date, the running shoes, the casual heels that aren't as high as high heels but are still high enough to look professional and not like your on a date, sandals for when you are just hanging out, and Converse for when you want to feel Indy. Obviously that isn't 30, but you get the idea. Guys have 2 pairs of shoes, well at least I do. One pair that I bought last year, and 1 pair that I bought this year. They are completely multipurpose. The shoes I bought this year are what I wear to work, school, to hang out, and to church. The ones I bought last year I wear on camp outs, and things of that nature. Something else I don't really understand about women is how they are attracted to exotic men. So many girls I know would date a black guy, or just any kind of darker skinned guy before they would ever date a white guy. I am confused by this because when it comes to being attracted to a woman, I am pretty racist. I am pretty much only attracted to white, and some latino women. So anyway, that is just another reason why women confuse me.
THE END
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