Why Commercials Came Way Before Their Time

I got cable somewhat recently. It is awesome. I have a lot of movie channels, and a bunch of not movie channels. Oh, and there is even on demand where I can watch stuff...on demand. Needless to say it is very nice to have a place, other than Netflix and Amazon, where I can't find anything to watch.  I think the one thing that would make Netflix and Amazon a lot like cable would be to have a random button. When you click it some random tv show or movie plays. That would help it somewhat resemble the aleatoric art that cable television is. With cable you never really know what is going to be on, but you can't exactly just turn the tv off, because you have to have something in the background to drown out the sounds of the voices in your head and the amorous neighbors upstairs. Well either they are amorous or they have kids that yell and throw crap on the ground and stomp around. I think it is nicer to assume that they are a happy, young, and energetic couple than a miserable child ridden hispanic couple. Not nicer, but it makes me want to kill them less when I think of it that way.  Seriously, it is like a midget rugby team is holding daily practices up there. The only thing that can cover it up is the blaring sound of Two and a Half Men, or whatever stupid show is playing while I am playing temple run on my phone because nothing is on.

While I am on the subject of having cable, a smart phone, and, in my case, a laptop I realized something. Commercials came way before their time. I was at a conference for work and they showed an infographic that showed the average household and the way everyone uses their devices. It is very common for people to do exactly what I am doing now. Watching tv, while doing something on their laptop, and pulling out their cell phone when their ADD really kicks in. Their point was to show the way consumers are interacting with their devices now. My point is that we are all crazy ADD with all of our crap. It is very true that a lot of people are on their laptop or on their phone or both while watching tv now. This is where commercials come in. If there something on that we are watching commercials allow us to indulge in our ADD 3 or 4 times every 30 minutes for 3ish minutes at a time. That way I can check my phone to see if someone has texted me, which they haven't, or if I have any new notifications on any of my social media accounts, which are just game invites, or I have gotten any emails, which are just spam. It doesn't really matter that nothing is there. I just have to check that crap. It is a finger addiction that goes clear to my brain. I know what you're thinking, some of the commercial breaks are gonna be for using the bathroom right? Ummm no. That is what a DVR is for. You hit the pause button while you use the bathroom. Don't have a DVR? Well I really doubt you have this problem, because if you don't have a DVR I doubt that you have a laptop or a smartphone...or a house without wheels on it. You pause the tv to conserve the commercials so you can feed your natural hunger for checking stuff and looking at memes.

So there you go. Commercials came way before their time, and now 72 years later we finally realize their purpose because of my genius insight. No need to thank me. Just pay it forward.

Ok bye now.