So this is pretty much going to be an unscheduled and mostly improvised post. I watched the new karate kid movie with Jackie Chan and Will Smith's kid, and I just started having many thoughts about movies that I would like to share with anyone who wants to read them. Also, something I have been meaning to say, I really don't care how good my grammar or punctuation usage is. I haven't had anyone complain about it yet, but if there is something wrong with it I really don't care. If you do think there is something wrong with my punctuation I probably did it to annoy you. At least that is what I would say to a person if confronted about it. So I have said my peace about that, and now I can move on.
So this new karate kid movie wasn't bad, i love Jackie Chan movies because he is awesome and also because freaking girls don't obsess about him. I can't even give an actor a chance if girls start obsessing about him. I will give you an example. Leo Dicaprio, or however you spell it, girls obsessed about him after Titanic came out. Why? I have no clue, he was really annoying in that movie. I am pretty sure that I clapped when he died at the end. Oh, and for those who haven't seen it for some reason and I just ruined the ending for you, I am doing you a favor. Those are 3 hours that I will never get back from my life. So you are welcome. Another guy is Orlando Bloom. He is the reason I didn't want to see LOTR, if you don't understand that acronym google it, because I am not gonna spend the time to write it out. Also, he ruined the Pirates movies, actually I think the writers ruined the second and third, but he definitely held the first one back from its true potential. Don't even get me started on Hayden Christensen and the Star Wars films. Anyway, what I was getting at is that Jackie Chan rocks.
So the movie started out with Jaden Smith and his widowed mother in Detroit and you find out that he is moving to China. He gets to China and he encounters the first problem of the movie. He thinks he can beat a chinese man in ping pong. What a moron right? They practically invented that game, that is common knowledge. Then the stupid kid gets in a fight with a chinese kid defending some girl. That is moron move number 2. How could a 12 year old think he could fight a chinese kid? The chinese invented kung fu too, so of course he gets beaten up. I am not sure what I actually knew when I was 12, but I certainly knew never to compete in anything with a chinese person. That is just common sense. Other stereotypical common sense things are: that black people are naturally talented at everything; and that white people are good at nothing, but somehow get ahead in everything they do...So after he gets in the fight he wants to get trained in karate to impress the girl. And to save time and paper I am going to skip a few details...
So the movie goes on and on...blah blah blah. Then it got to the end where, you guessed it, he fights the kid he got in a fight with in the beginning of the movie in a king fu tournament. That is surprising, I didn't guess that was gonna happen...NOT! Spoiler alert: of course he wins the stupid tournament, but only after getting his leg almost broken, or completely broken, they were never really clear on that. But anyway, he is all happy and so is everyone else and then the movie ends.
While that ending was nice, there is always a side of me that just wants the main characters to die every once in a while. Like at the climax of the movie when they are suppose to defeat whatever the antagonist is, I just want them to fail. This is the reason that I only watch comedies, because it's obvious that things are gonna end up good at the end, but the story doesn't suck me in that much. I just watch them for the humor. Serious movies are too easy to predict. I think that there should be some movies where the protagonist of the movie gets to the huge climax of the movie and dies or fails really easily. I will give you an example of a movie I would change. Gone in Sixty Seconds. You know the part at the end when he steals the Shelby GT 500, the car that he saved for the end because he is scared of it? I have some questions about that before I completely ruin the ending of it. Why would he save that car for the end if he is scared of it? Wouldn't that be the first car to steal if you were afraid? Also, why does Nicholas Cage have to steal it? If he is scared of it have someone else steal it that isn't scared by inanimate things. By the way, I love this movie so I can talk bad about it. So anyway, at the end he steals the car, what if he gets in the car starts it up, then pulls out of the garage and runs out of gas? The movie is over, thanks Murphy's law you just made a movie more interesting.
I think a lot about things in movies. Like, why does gas never run out in a persons car that is being driven for a long period of time? Why don't people ever have to stop in the middle of doing something because they have to pee? Why do people never seem hungry or thirsty when they haven't eaten for days, because they are tracking their kidnapped daughter? (Taken reference) Oh I just thought of another movie to ruin...Wanted. For those of you who haven't seen it, this kid is trying to learn how to curve a bullet, and he can't do it because he is a moron. So Angelina Jolie steps in front of the target so that he will have more need to do it right. Anyway, wouldn't it have been hilarious if he still couldn't do it? He just shoots her right in the face. I have a twisted sense of humor, because I would have laughed my head off.
i kind of want to make a movie where I build up this main character, and then he dies for a really stupid reason in the middle of the movie. Then the movie keeps going and follows the unimportant characters through the rest of the movie. I guess that is kind of how The Other Guys was, but my movie would be way better because I made it. If you aren't getting any of my movie references you are probably just wasting your time reading this. Maybe you should get a life and go watch some movies. Don't read books though, because they ruin movies. Like Harry Potter, the movies suck. I am sorry if you are a nerd/person with bad taste in movies, but they are awful. And I refuse to read the books. 1. because they are long. 2. because it is a possibility that I would like them, and that is a gamble I am not willing to take. Another reason I prefer to watch movies is because in the time a person can read a book I have watched like 4 or 5 movies. I don't care if they are different from their paper counterparts. They were shorter and more pleasing to all of my senses. You can't listen to a soundtrack of a book. And honestly, my imagination isn't good enough to make a hot girl up in my mind from reading a description. Maybe if after the character's description the book said something like "She looked kinda like a younger Catherine Zeta Jones." Then maybe that wouldn't be a problem. Also, I get distracted a lot less when I am watching a movie then when I am struggling to read a book. And I really don't care to look like a nerd, because stereotypes say that nerds read books. I have a reputation to withhold and I can't ruin it doing things that could make me look uncool. Random thought, did you know that the only real way to tell if someone is a man or a woman is to look at their fingers? It's true, a man's index finger is shorter than his ring finger, whereas a woman's index finger is longer than her ring finger. On that note I will bid you all adieu until next time.
Bye now :)
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