I think after my last post some people got the wrong impression about me because of a certain comment I made about african american males. The truth is that I love black people. When I was in elementary I wanted to be black. I watched more Will Smith movies and Fresh Prince than most white people watch in their entire lives. So, what I am trying to say is that I am not racist. I do own a color t.v. after all.
Ok, now to what this post is really about. Why are women confused by men? I can't even count the number of times girls have asked me, "Jake, why are guys so confusing?" Seriously, this happens often. I don't want to keep explaining this to women who aren't interested in me. So I am going to give my explanation in detail and hopefully I will never have to answer that question again.
The first thing women need to understand is that men are stupid. I don't think that we actually have the mental capacity to confuse anyone. Do rocks confuse people? The answer to that is no, unless you are a geologist. Basically what I am trying to say is if you are getting confused by a guy, you better be a geologist. Men are very simple. If you want to get a guy to like you, treat him like you would a dog. Give us treats, pat our heads when we do something good, take us on walks, talk to us about what's on your mind. Like canines we won't know what you are talking about or even be listening because we are easily distracted, but at least you can feel better that you got to talk about your emotions and whatever else you girls complain about. Yes, I realize my chances of ever getting a girlfriend just dropped by 80% after that remark. But why do I have to get the shaft when I am just a messenger of the truth? Ok, some guys actually do listen and respond honestly caring about you, but that doesn't mean that they are gonna remember 10 years down the road when they do exactly what you told them they shouldn't do. So what I am trying to say is that men need to be constantly reminded of things, and rewarded for those things when we do it right, or we will most likely forget.
The second thing women need to understand is that men are shallow. I think I covered this pretty well in my last blog.
The third thing women need to understand is that it is women that are confusing and men that are confused. I believe this is the real reason that girls get confused by men, it's because they are confusing themselves. They overanalyze everything. If a guy says anything to a girl and she likes him she will start thinking and thinking about what he said. Eventually she will come to the conclusion that when he asked her for a piece of gum that he was really telling her that he wanted 3 kids with her, 2 girls and a boy. I understand that some guys do a lot more than just ask for a piece of gum, some guys make out with girls and never talk to them again. That is because some guys are douchebags (see my last blog). Oh, while I am on the subject of making out...What's the deal with people who go to movies and make out through the whole thing? You do realize that you are paying $15+ to do something that can easily be done for free in your car, or on the couch in your living room right? This brings up another question that will get me even further off subject. When I was in high school there was this spanish boyfriend and girlfriend that would follow my friend and I around at lunch and make out in front of us. The even more strange thing about this is that they would take breaks from making out and look over at us to see if we were watching them. What the heck was that about? If someone has an explanation for that please let me know, I have wondered for over 5 years about what that was about. Oh, speaking of spanish people, don't ever randomly wave and say hi to a spanish guy in a blue Jetta. Trust me, it sounds fun, but it is more trouble than it is worth. Back to what I was saying...Seriously, girls don't confuse yourself thinking about a guy's actions, because there is no way that a guy has the intelligence to do something, and mean something else by it. I am not saying that it is impossible. I am just saying it is highly unlikely, because guys are lazy and it would take a very long time for a guy to plan out something as complex as a woman is thinking.
I am now going to give the women reading this some tips on how not to get confused by men, and how not to confuse them.
-Don't over think the things we say or do. We don't put any thought into things we do, neither should you.
-If you like a guy, you should probably tell him, because there is no way he is gonna find out unless you tell him. If you are trying to give him hints that you like him you are wasting your time. Also, when you tell him, tell him directly in simple wording anything more than that and you are back to square one.
-If a guy gives you a lot of attention, takes you out to eat, does nice things for you, and compliments you a lot. Even though you think you are just friends, he most likely likes you. Don't take advantage of him, if you don't like him, tell him so that he stops giving you things. We are stupid and will continue to give you things until you give us a restraining order.
-Don't tell a guy that you don't want to be in a relationship with anyone when what you are really saying is that you don't want a relationship with him. Remember guys are stupid and we will believe you.
-Don't be naive, if you want a genuine nice guy you are gonna have to lower your standards on looks.
-The final tip is just to remember that almost every question that a girl has about a guy can be answered easily by the fact that guys are stupid.
To finish I would like to invite you to watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiVCD9QMAMI which explains the difference between a man's brain and a woman's brain.
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