If you are familiar with my style of reviewing you will know that if a movie has attractive women I am at least somewhat forgiving if it is incredibly stupid. Sadly, I don't think I can be very forgiving. My biggest problem with this movie is really just a problem I have with movie makers in general. If you are going to make a movie that is suppose to be realistic, and then you throw something in that is obviously not even plausible you kind of just ruin your movie. For example, in the movie they are driving a mustang - whose front end is likely just make of tinfoil, plastic, and fiberglass - (I don't think I used the hyphens right, but whatever. They should have something that separates a list and something else that can separate side note kinda stuff, or whatever it is called. Not just use commas for both. Everything seems to work for a while, and then you get into a situation where you have to use commas inside another comma separated part of a sentence and it seems wrong, and then you find your self looking at the sentence wondering why our language sucks so bad. No wonder immigrants can't speak or write in our language. Not even Americans can speak and write in our language. I often wish that I was asian so that I spoke a language that wasn't just a big trash can of languages, and so that I could be a ninja.) and the guy driving this mustang jumps over 2 lanes of traffic and lands pretty much on the front end of his car. Any real car would have been crushed like a soda can. Then after this impossible feat the director decides that they need to have the car lifted by an army helicopter by clipping 2 cables together through the windows of the car. I can't say for certain, because I have never done it, but I am almost positive that the top of the car would have been torn off. It would have been more believable if one of the huge bird things from the Lord of The Rings would have come and grabbed the car and carried it to safety. Sadly that was not the case, and I had to just sit there and accept that there was another hour of this movie to watch.
Another thing that really bothered me about this movie was how predictable it was. They made the plot far too obvious, and then tried to detract from the awful plot by having terrible dialogue and overly dramatic acting throughout. I swear it was like I was watching a daytime soap opera, except it wasn't daytime and no one was singing. They sing in soap operas right? You could pretty much call every shower that I take a soap opera. I will often times start singing some Pavarotti, and there is soap...because I use soap. I am just missing a large audience of stay at home moms that have nothing better to do than watch the shows that were purposely put on daytime so that people with half a brain wouldn't have to watch it, and so the people making the shows feel like they are contributing to something even thought they really aren't. Then there is this guy that is in a lighthouse or something stupid the entire movie, and has some kind of live video streaming app for his vlog "I'm Michael Keaton and I get to have a big part in this movie even though it's pointless". All this character did throughout this movie was give a play by play. His dialogue didn't even make sense half of the time. He is suppose to be this really popular car race dude with his app and he hosts some race called "The Lion", or "de Lion", as he says it, that is supposedly a huge deal. Yet, he references the main character, Toby, as if everyone is aware of who he is, and understands all of the small intricacies of Toby's life.
Don't get me wrong there were good parts of the movie. Like when people weren't talking, and when there weren't unrealistic stunts I was actually enjoying myself, because there were cars going fast and a lot of movement and colors. So yeah, it was a movie. So if you like movies, even if they are a little dumb, you could go and see this and waste a couple hours if you have nothing to do. If you are looking for something that will blow your socks off might I suggest saving your money for Captain America Winter Soldier. That is a movie I am excited about. So yeah...I think I am done now.
FIN
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