I Don't Think My Brain Works Properly

I have a very interesting thing on my mind tonight. Earlier I was eating tacos, because it's taco tuesday at Del Taco, and I had a strange urge to rip the bag my food came. After I finished ripping the bag in two places I looked up at my friend Jason and told him "I have no idea why I did that." So we began to talk about strange urges. I am sure that everyone gets them from time to time. Like when you are driving down the freeway, and for no reason at all you want to jerk the steering wheel. Or, you are in a very high hotel room with the window open, and you for no reason at all have the urge to sprint at the window and jump out. These urges aren't always suicidal by the way. I recall a time in my youth where I was sitting behind an old gentleman in a religious meeting. While sitting behind this older, mostly bald, man I began to stare at his wrinkled neck skin going up to the back of his skull. It was at this time that I felt the need to poke him in his wrinkled neck skin repeatedly for absolutely no reason. This meeting was an hour long by the way. It was likely the longest hour of my life.

I wish I could explain these strange urges. I have to think of children when I get them, because I am certain children have these urges but can't control them. For instance, a child is playing with a bunch of other children, and completely out of nowhere the child picks up a toy and chucks it at either one of the other children or an adult. Or a parent tells their child not to touch something fragile they had just purchased. The child, of course, grabs it and plays a short game of keep away with the parent and then chucks it onto the hardest part of the floor in their house. This has to be the same kind of occurrence right? That is what I think at least. The child just doesn't have the ability to filter out the stupid urges yet. Heck, I barely have the will power to resist them. So you can't really be too mad at a child for breaking stuff and hitting other children, because we have all been there. I know I have wanted to hit other people's children with a solid object before. So I can't really blame them for doing it. Thank goodness for my mind. I love how I have the ability to imagine myself doing things that I could never do in real life. On some level it allows me to live with the fact that I can't do some things. Like if there is a guy that is a total douche. I can imagine the perfect revenge, and imagining that allows me to live without actually doing something that I could regret. If anything our imaginations are an undo, or ctrl z (cmd z for mac), of sorts. We can think through a situation, and determine after going through it whether or not it is something we want to do before we actually act. I believe this ability is broken for people who constantly do stupid things. They can't think through a situation beforehand, and come to the conclusion, "You know, I don't think jumping down this 15 foot staircase is a good idea." I am amazed at the amount of people who's brains are broken. I am not upset about it. If it weren't for people like that there would be almost no need for YouTube. Everyone has their place in the world, and, for some people, it is lying face down on the concrete with a lot of broken bones.

Something else I have been thinking about lately is conversing. Until about 3 weeks ago I had never thought about where I was suppose to look when I am talking with people. It just happened naturally. Well, my mind screwed that up, and I don't know where the heck I am suppose to look any more. Now every time I talk to someone I end up trying to blur my vision in an attempt to look at both of their eyes. I must look like an idiot. I can't find anywhere to look that seems right. I will look at one of their eyes, in between their eyes, or, like I said before, try to blur my vision trying to look at both of their eyes. Nothing seems right, and that is taking all of my focus during the conversation. I don't know what the heck to do. It all started when I was at work. I was talking to a guy wearing sunglasses, and I couldn't see his eyes. So I was trying to guess where they were while I was talking to him. I ended up just landing on a spot that, I assume, was close to where his eyes actually were. I don't think I was right though, because soon after he took his sunglasses off. I am sure that it was because I was looking like an inch away from where his eyes actually were. So anyway, it was after that experience that I started thinking about where I am actually suppose to look during a conversation, and the autopilot in my brain that had been controlling my eyes during conversation was destroyed. Now I am left looking like an idiot every time I talk to someone.

Speaking of your brain not working properly. Don't you hate it when you are going to have an important conversation with someone, or you are suppose to give a somewhat improvised speech to a group of people, and you plan out pretty much everything you are gonna say then the second you start to speak everything you planned to say just gets erased from your mind? Isn't that the most ironic thing? The stuff you are trying so hard to remember just gets erased the moment you need it. It's like that with everything it seems. When you are trying to impress a love interest you do everything wrong because you are trying so hard. Or when you do something seemingly impossible on accident, then you try to do it again and fail miserably. It's so frustrating that our mind and bodies can instinctually do something that we would normally have to try a thousand times to do again. I kind of wonder if our minds come with everything preinstalled, but when we try to override things, we being our conscious mind, our subconscious mind returns an error that ultimately screws everything up. This essentially explains beginners luck. The beginner isn't trying, because they don't even know what to do. So their instincts, or their subconscious mind, completely takes over and does everything. Then once they understand what is going on their conscious mind starts to take over and screws everything up. Aren't our minds ridiculous? I am beginning to think maybe I should just stop trying to do things, and start doing them without any preparation. I wonder how successful a person could be doing something like that. My guess is that they would be pretty successful, but I guess for everything else there is YouTube.