Oh school thou heartless wench!

I thought it would be fitting to write a blog today, the day where so many young adults wake themselves up at inhumane hours of the morning and subject themselves to long durations of seemingly meaningless jabber from so called "professionals" in hopes of attaining a piece of paper that says they are good enough to be a part of this pathetic consumer driven society of obese dietitians and not so obese competitive eaters. Yes my friends, I am talking about college. That 4-8 year stepping stone of life that either makes you incredibly well off, or a homeless pot smoker, and everything in between. Not everything about college is bad though. I mean there are the girls. :) Oh yes, girls! From the completely naive freshman to the completely independent and either never getting married or marrying some random guy that she likes because of his "personality" senior. Unfortunately, because of technology being the way it is, all these girls that have moved away from home and their high school sweethearts have been able to keep in touch and hold long distance relationships. At least this is my theory. The whole point of college is to experience life, and be single...at least for a while. Yet, there have been 3 girls I have met in the past week that have boyfriends. Two of which are freshman this year. I know I can't be with every girl in the world, but all I am asking is that girls be single and give us college guys a chance. I know I always say I am never getting married, but that doesn't mean I don't want to date around and at least be friends with girls. It is quite difficult to hold a conversation with a girl who is constantly getting interrupted by her 500 mile away boyfriend who is protective and insecure about his "boo" being so far away from him. Maybe it's girls that call their boyfriend "boo", it doesn't matter you still get the point. Girls, if you are gonna go to college don't ruin it by having a boyfriend when you start. You will miss out on so many opportunities. Especially me. And another thing, you know that your boyfriend is at some other college hitting on girls and whatnot, and if you don't I do. Because only a douchebag would keep a girlfriend who is going to a different college, that or a guy who is actually in love with the girl. But let's be honest here, that is very rarely the case. I watch a lot of romantic comedies about college life and this exact situation. That makes me a professional on the subject.
So to drastically semi-change the subject. I went to school today at 10. Well actually at like 9:30, but whatever. Class started at 10, and I went into my class and sat down. Then it hit me. "Why am I here again?" I already went to Dixie. This part of my life is over. When I graduated with my associates degree I vowed never to return. Then I saw a really pretty girl and I remembered why I liked Dixie. ;) Ok, I have talked too much about women. I mean it isn't surprising at all. They are the driving force of all men...unless they are gay. In which case they are hardly men anyway. I don't think women really understand the power that they have. I mean this in all honesty. If a guy really likes a girl she literally has almost complete control over that man. She could tell him to cut off his foot and feed it to a carnivorous sloth and he would do it. I know that is a little over the top, maybe not. Women do like to make men do crazy things. Like cook, do the laundry, and wash the dishes. What's that about? It is hard enough for me to get up in the morning and have the drive to use the bathroom, and you want me to help with chores? Your anatomy alone makes you the key candidate for doing house work. You have small feet that enable you to stand close to the sink and counters, and your small stature makes it so you don't have to bend over the entire time you are washing dishes, or cutting whatever kind of food needs to be chopped. As far as the laundry goes, I don't even think guys know what that is. Without women we would be wearing the same pants and pair of underwear that we were wearing when we moved away from home. Our shirt collection would have chili stains, and most definitely blood from the rare steak that we ate with our bare hands on the 4th of July last summer. And even though women say they hate doing those chores we all know that you really do enjoy it. With out those chores you wouldn't have anything to hold over our head when you want us to do something. You know it's true. "I stay at home all day long and do this and do that...can't you just get off your butt for one second and take out the dang trash?" (My answer is no, because if we leave the remote left unattended you are gonna change the channel to something like extreme home make over or some garbage like that.) You wouldn't really have any leverage if you didn't do all the chores. You would never get to go to the Opera...I still don't understand why every wife in every show on t.v. wants to go to the Opera. There are two problems with that stereotype. First and foremost, I highly doubt that you are entertained by 2+ hours of straight music sung by people who sing with an uncontrollable vibrato. I can barely do it and I was a music major. Secondly, it's almost always in another language, and if there are subtitles they are way above the stage and if you are sitting close you get serious neck pains from looking up and down trying to watch the Opera and read the subtitles. Two hours of that and the chiropractor thinks you got in a serious car accident because you have whiplash. This is completely off subject. Do you think that chiropractors were originally from Cairo? That would be pretty cool. Pharaoh was like "hey, I need to go to the practor in Cairo. I put my back out when I went camel tipping last night." Pharaoh was a party animal he was. Back to what I was saying. Women love to have leverage over men, and men love to be lazy. It's like we were made for each other. And that is all I have to say about that.

(Insert Witty Title Here)

I haven't blogged in a while...for that I am sorry. I have started blogging a couple of times, but I didn't feel like they were things that would make people laugh, or be enjoyable to read. So I am going to try again. There has been something on my mind for a while now. It is people who complain about things that they don't understand. An example of this is people that say stuff like "global warming my butt" while it is snowing in the spring time. This is the one I see the most. The fact is that global warming is a real thing. The facts are that average temperatures have climbed 1.4 degrees Fahrenheit around the world since 1880, much of this in recent decades, according to NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies. The 20th century's last two decades were the hottest in 400 years. Glaciers and mountain snows are rapidly melting—for example, Montana's Glacier National Park now has only 27 glaciers, versus 150 in 1910. Arctic ice is rapidly disappearing, and the region may have its first completely ice-free summer by 2040 or earlier. Those are just a few of the facts I have found. I know that in your small little world you think you know everything just because your parents said you were special when you were growing up. Actually, when they were saying you are special they were saying you are retarded. I hate to be the person telling you this, but you were gonna find out some day. Better in my blog then getting publicly flogged because of your idiocy. I can't blame your parents for saying you were special instead of telling you the truth. Heck, they probably had no idea either. For some reason many parents are blind to their children's inadequacies. This is why a lot of the people you hate are the way they are. Their parents were unable to see the flaws in their jerk child. Because of this the parents never disciplined the child, and they became what we know now as douchebags, and, for lack of a better term, douchebaguettes (not to be confused with a type of french bread). This same thing happens when people are in the lovey dovey part of their relationship. They are unable to see flaws in each other. They are too infatuated with each other, and it is impossible for them to see past that. Unfortunately, here in Utah I am afraid that a lot of people get married in that stage of infatuation, and then a year or so later they find themselves questioning what they got themselves into. There is something with marriage in Utah that I do agree with though. That is getting married at an early age. When you are young you are naive, and you are not set in your own ways. That combination makes finding a marriage companion easier. The point I was trying to get at when I started this thought was that people need to think, and, heaven forbid, research things before they open their mouths and show how stupid they are.
Anyway, enough talk about marriage...that's gay. Just kidding its quite straight, and hopefully it will stay like that. Freaking gays wanting equal rights, what are you black women? Seriously though, if anything just give them a civil service that gives them the tax breaks and legal stuff that married people get. Where I draw the line is religious marriage services. If gays think that God wants them to get married they obviously don't understand religion that much. God designed our bodies to procreate with the opposite sex...'nuff said. What makes me laugh is when people say stuff like "there are 500 species of insects and whatever that show homosexual tendencies". To that I say "So..." what does that have to do with anything? All that means is that insects are puny brained, horny, and well that pretty much sums it up. So really you are just offending yourselves by saying that. I really don't have any problems with gay people. I have said it before and I will say it again, I am just gonna let natural selection do what it will.

So I keep seeing this preview for Shark Night 3D. I gotta tell you I am not going to see it. Obviously the people in this movie aren't smart enough to stay out of the water after a shark attacks one of them. How are people that stupid? If it was me in that situation I would do the same thing any person with a brain would do, I would stay out of the water. I wouldn't jump into the water and try to kill it. My chances of survival are very low if I did something brainless like that. It is the same with most horror movies. If there is a killer and I know about it, I am getting the crap outta there. Then there are the movies where creepy paranormal stuff is happening in their house. After a couple of scary things happened I would be out of there as well. I wouldn't stay there and then start checking out the basement and the attic. Everyone knows that is where are all the scary crap is. Even if there is nothing scary in your house. It is still scary there. You don't go there unless it is extremely necessary. I have clean underwear on, and I want to keep it that way as long as possible. Oh, I just remembered something else I wanted to say. I was watching The 3 Musketeers a couple months ago and I was thinking after the big fight scene at the end. Who cleans up all the dead bodies in the castle and all over the courtyard after this is over? That would have to be the worst job ever. The should do a dirty jobs episode on body clean up in afghanistan. I am not really trying to be funny by saying this, I mean laugh if you want, but I am serious. That would be the worst job ever. You probably don't even get paid for it. So it probably isn't even a job. It is like volunteer work. That's gotta suck. That's why I don't volunteer for anything, because I could get stuck with that. That's why in church when someone asks for a volunteer to say the prayer the room just falls silent. They know. That is gateway volunteering. I know exactly where that road goes.