Story Time

Once upon a time there was a mexican and a white kid. The white kid was me. They were friends and they hung out every once in a while. Well last night they went on an adventure to get Ben and Jerry's ice cream, because it is delicious. The first stop on their journey was Harmons, the grocer in your neighborhood. It was late and the main doors were closed, but because the white kid had entered at this late hour many times before, he knew that there was still a way in. The employee entrance wasn't very heavily guarded, unless you count a semi-overweight woman standing next to it. Fortunately, she was distracted by the cheese kiosk that she was drooling over. Needless to say we got in quite easily without being detected. We made our way to the ice cream isle as stealthily as 2 fat guys can. And there it was encased before our eyes, the ice cream we had been searching for. Unfortunately it was like $3.99, so they were like screw that and went to Wal-Mart.

As they pulled in to the lot of parking, the white kid realized something that annoyed him. You know how people just leave their shopping carts all over the place in parking lots? How lazy are those people? They put the shopping cart things like every 20 feet in the parking lot. I am super lazy, but I still take the 2 seconds out of my day to return the cart to the appropriate place. Some times I even feel generous and take it all the way back in, because supposedly one person can help change the world. I think that's crap. Even if a person has a great idea, they cannot do the entire world changing process by themselves. I guess it did start with that one person though. Ok, never mind I believe it now. Anyway, it is really easy to take the cart back, I usually make a game out of it. When I was a kid I would pretend the shopping cart was a scooter and then when I got to the cart rack, I would push it in as fast as I could. I still do that to this day. Maybe what everyones problem is, is that they have no imagination. Their parents were so strict that they ruined their ability not only to imagine, but to be a considerate member of society. So, the white kid and the mexican made their way into Wal-Mart. As they entered the white kid found yet another thing that he wanted to write about the next day. Aren't Wal-Mart greeters awkward? The answer is yes if you are wondering. Usually they are fat old people that have no social skills. So they say "welcome to Wal-Mart" almost inaudibly. Then you feel obligated to say thank you to them. Honestly, they just need to get rid of them. It will make everyones visit a little better. Either that or they should get incredibly attractive women to greet people. If they did that it would probably increase their sales. It is a known fact that attractive women are the best sales people. They just have to flirt a little bit, and then every nerd that goes into the store is walking out with a $1500 flat screen t.v. and some other expensive thing. So, the two friends passed the awkward greeter. They again made their way to the ice cream of Ben and of Jerry. Then glowing in the isle, before their eyes was the ice cream. And it was only $3.25 freaking Harmons! So they bought it, and they also ventured to the land of Del Taco where they bought the $.49 burritos, which were worth the money they costed. They then returned to the home of the white kid, where they feasted on their spoils of food.

The End

I would just like to end with a thought. Does the word February make any sense? Is the silent R there just to confuse children and immigrants? Everyone pronounces it Febuary, so they should probably just change it. I could understand French people writing it like that, almost every word in French has at least 5 silent letters in it. But we are not French, so why is there an R in February? Just something to think about.

TTFN

3 things

Have you ever just wanted to punch someone for no reason? I ask this question because I found myself in church yesterday with an almost uncontrollable urge to deck this kid, sitting in front of me, right in the face. The vision of me doing it played over and over in my mind. I guess I had reason, the first being that he wouldn't stop giggling and making stupid remarks to the attractive girls sitting next to him. Secondly, he wore glasses and had freckles, if there is one thing that people have learned it is that having freckles and wearing glasses make people want to punch you. The third and final reason is his hair, bleached tips...really? That hair style is like 10 years old. Beyond that there was an x-factor, because that combination would probably not make me want to punch someone. It's kinda like I could smell the arrogance seeping from his pores, and maybe punching him would stop that smell. Oh, i have another question that popped into my head while at church. What is the deal with people that say "expecially"? That has been a pet peeve of mine for so long. There is no way that you could think that it is pronounced that way. I can understand kids that are still learning to speak saying it that way and it's cute, but grown adults say it like that. It makes no sense to me. The word is ESpecially. Learn to speak our stupid language please. Speaking of our stupid language, I don't understand why it is a requirement to take so many years of English in High School, and then in college. I learned the most in 8th grade English, and after that it was an exponential drop in every English class. Every single year it is the same thing, and every single year the teacher got worse at teaching the same thing. In 8th grade we learned every single part of a sentence and could easily break it down and tell you what everything was. My senior year we were watching movies. I mean I enjoyed watching movies instead of actually learning, but what was the point of that class?

Ok, public restrooms. First of all...EWWWW! They are pretty disgusting am I right? Of course I am right. I don't really know how bad it is for women, because I don't go into women's restrooms very often, but men's restrooms are bad. Honestly, I am scared to touch the handle to the restroom for fear of getting some disease. What is the deal with people not washing their hands? It's really easy, I learned as a toddler. And years of practice later I am a pro. What's everyone else's excuse? Did you not grow up with running water in your house? No, because you live in America, the land of the free and home of the Whopper. There has to be some feasible reason that people don't feel the need to be sanitary. I feel like I should just stand in a public restroom and teach everyone that comes in how to wash their hands. I feel kinda iffy about shaking peoples hands, or really touching anything for that matter. I think people that are germaphobes have a legitimate reason to be that way. If you actually thought about everything you touched, and where it has been and who has touched it, you might reconsider touching it yourself. I have often considered being one of those people who are avid cleaners, that use bleach to clean everything, and are constantly sanitizing. But, I am way to lazy for that. Back to bathrooms. The next issue is that people don't know how to flush the freaking toilet. Yes, I amazed that came out of you too, but it doesn't mean I wanted to see it. Ok, maybe I did, but I am certain no one else wanted to. What really worries me is when someone didn't flush and there is no toilet paper in the bowl. What kinda sick people wouldn't wipe. I guess they could have been in a hurry, but really not wiping is gonna slow you down in the long run. Both metaphorically and literally. Does anybody else use their shoe to do everything in the stall? Like lift the seat, flush the toilet, kick the people that don't wash their hands, that kinda stuff? 'Cause I do, I feel very unsafe touching anything in a stall.

Random change of subject, what is the deal with girls and being attracted to random qualities of men. Like, "he is hot because he is a fireman." Or "Oh, he is hot because he has a british accent." That makes no sense. Don't you really mean he is hot, and it helps that he has that quality? Or does having a random quality automatically make you hot. Because if that is the case, I want to be a fireman. If not, learn to say what you actually mean, because that is why guys are confused by you. Wanna know the guy version of what you are saying? "Oh, she is hot." See how simple that is to understand? Also, I am sure I know the answer to this, but I just want to put it out there. I heard that Hugh Hefner is getting married. How? I mean yeah he is rich, but can girls really get passed the old nasty sack of bones just for money? That is sad. First of all, gross! Secondly, gross! A guy could never do that. If there was an old extremely rich woman and she wanted to marry me, I wouldn't even have to think about it. The answer is no. I am pretty sure every guy, with a few exceptions, would agree. Ashton Kutcher is one of those exceptions. Anyway, I was just thinking about that the other day, and I wanted to put my thoughts out there.

later peeps!