A Letter to Facebook Users

Dear friends who insists on posting hundreds of pictures that are anything but interesting,

Please understand that I don't care that you feel that you are expressing yourself through a photo that someone stole from google images and then photoshopped words on to it. I am getting to the point where I don't even care if it is funny. Sure I like a laugh, but I am beginning to do anything but laugh. The amount of pointless pictures are greatly outweighing the amount of SuMmEr TwEnTy TwElVe albums that are being posted by the attractive women that I am trying to photo stalk. I am not the only person that feels this way. Trust me. So here is the thing. I am going to try and help you regain the trust of the people who are probably going to delete you if you don't stop it with all the photos.

Tip #1: If you come across a picture and it is funny. Ask yourself 2 questions. Did this make me actually laugh out loud, and have I shared over 5 pictures today. If you answered yes to the first question then, and no to the second question feel free to share the photo.

Tip #2: If you are a person that actually has albums of funny memes that you have been adding to, then instead of sharing a photo every second. Save the photos you like onto your computer, and after a day upload all those photos into an album. That way it is one post, and it isn't cluttering up my newsfeed. I really enjoy those kind of albums.

Tip #3: If you are posting pictures that aren't funny, and are "inspirational". STOP IT NOW! No one cares! I hate to be insensitive, but I am being completely honest. If you feel that you must post them, at least do as I have previously stated in the last tip so that I don't have to see them scattered throughout MY news feed.

Tip #4 This isn't exactly a tip, but listen and listen carefully. If you don't at least accomplish these few tips I, along with many others, will get sick of you and delete you as a friend. What are you gonna do with all of your photos when you have no one to share them with except the weird guy who added you a few years ago, and for some reason you accepted it. He isn't gonna delete you. He is too weird, and is probably stalking you.

So there you have it. If you want to be alone social networkingly speaking, then by all means keep posting all of your dumb photos, but I promise if it doesn't stop soon I will treat you as if you were a piece of crap and flush you down the proverbial social networking toilet. I am not sure that I used that correctly, but I still meant what I said even if I didn't say it right!

This message has been brought to you by The Foundation for a Better Facebook.

The Amazing Spiderman 2012 Review

I had a very interesting 4th of July experience last night. It was about 8:15 PM at the Nygaard residence when I realized that I really didn't give a crap about watching fireworks. So after much deliberation I convinced a couple of people that we should go to the movie theater and watch the new Spiderman movie. My arguments were that first, everyone in town would be watching fireworks so there would be no one in the theater. The second was that I hadn't seen it yet. It was a wonderful plan. Almost bullet proof.

We got to the theater about 15 minutes before the movie started, and just like I had predicted the movie theater was practically barren. We entered our theater, and it was just us! In 1o minutes we would have our own theater to watch this movie, or so we thought. What I didn't consider when I devised this plan is that there are a group of people that live in America, but they don't really celebrate our independence. A family of this specific minority group entered the theater, and my dream had then been crushed. There were 3 children in this specific family. It was at this time that I began to fear for the worst. My second thought was trying to figure out why a group of people who's kids could only speak english would spend money to see something they couldn't understand. I thought that was a valid thought. But, their kids must have been quite persistent about it.

The movie then began, and lucky these children were well behaved, so I didn't have to kill them. It wouldn't have been a racist thing had I killed them. It would have been a "I am sick of people ruining movies because of their obnoxious children" thing. Seriously, there is a time for kids to see movies. That time is in the afternoon. If you are taking your child to a night time movie, bring a roll of duct tape and some Ritalin. If you don't have those things on your person at the entrance of the movie theater, and you have kids, you shouldn't be let in. Yes, this is my opinion, but it just so happens that a lot of people agree with this opinion. It is your fault you had children. Now you have to suffer the consequences of your actions. These consequences include not going to movies and wishing you were dead.

Ok, so the movie. Hopefully you are still with me, because this is the important part, and also my opinion. I loved the movie. I am usually really hard on movies, but I really don't have anything bad to say about it. I was thoroughly entertained the whole time, and unlike the other spiderman movies. This movie was more consistent with the comics and cartoons.

A lot of people are wondering why they made this new Spiderman movie. Well, it is because the other ones were pretty cheesy. Let's be honest, they were. The other big reason is that they weren't consistent with the original spiderman. In the cartoons and comics spiderman had cartridges, not web that magically shot out of his wrist. His abilities were spidey sense, super strength, and his ability to scale walls. Also, Mary Jane was not his first love interest. It was Gwen Stacey.

One of the main reasons that I really enjoyed this movie was the character development. They spent just under an hour introducing Peter Parker, and the rest of the characters. It gave the background of his parents, and why he ended up living with his uncle Ben and aunt May. And you really just got to know Peter Parker. You find out that he is into photography, and that he is very smart. They set up the story really well in that aspect.

I really enjoyed the more adult feel of the movie. Although it is a fictitious movie, the characters are very real. It gives real depth to the movie, and really grabs you from the beginning. I felt that it wasn't a perfect representation of high school, but in some aspects it was better than most. There were a few things that I could really relate to there. The villain was also well done. I felt that there was a good reason for him becoming a villain, and that it worked very well with the story.

Also, let's be real here. The biggest issue to address in a movie is the female lead. "Is she hot?" Well the only way that you can do better than Emma Stone is by getting Emma Watson, and I don't know that the character of Gwen Stacey is one that I could see Emma Watson doing. So for hot and capable female lead this movie gets a 10/10 hands down.

Overall this movie exceeded my expectations. I was very pleased with it, and I personally feel that everyone needs to see it. Had the avengers not come out, this movie would be the best film of the summer thus far in my opinion. So yeah. Go watch it. If you are disappointed then you don't deserve the right to see movies, and I will publicly mock you. Seriously it's a great movie. In fact, I want to see it again. That is how much I enjoyed this movie. Oh, I forgot to mention. The 3D was great. So if you have the money to spend I definitely suggest the 3D version. Definitely worth the money. Are you still reading this? Go get a ticket already. What have you got to lose? 10 bucks? 20 bucks? 1000 bucks? It doesn't matter, because you can't put a price tag...I lost my train of thought, but you get what I am saying.

Peace Out!

Texting and Driving: Safer Than Taking A Nap Underwater

I was watching tv yesterday, and a commercial came on that started out with this girl talking about her sister and how she loved to laugh and was such a good person blah blah blah. Then she says "This is the text she was reading when she flipped her car." So at this point I am like "ok, this is an anti texting and driving commercial." Then it shows the word "Yeah". I almost lost it. The amount of time it takes to read the word yeah is like a fraction of a second. It takes less time to read that text than it takes to look at your mirrors or look at your mph gauge. Maybe she was just a really slow reader. I personally don't think it is good for a slow reader to be driving in the first place. How long would it take her to read street signs? She would have to come to a dead stop in the road every time she had to read one of them. That isn't safe. My point is the reason people are cracking down on texting and driving stems from the fact that people are too dumb to do it safely. I have been texting and driving since that combination was possible for me to do, and haven't even come close to an accident. This is because I do it safely. So I feel that since people are, apparently, so stupid maybe I should give some tips on texting and driving in a safe manner.

TIP #1

If you are driving in heavy traffic and your text ringer goes off you probably don't need to read the text that second. Wait until you get to a red light, or until the traffic gets so backed up that you have to come to a complete stop. This will ensure that you aren't staring down at your phone while there are a thousand cars on the road that have the potential to crash into you as you drift across lanes because you aren't looking at the road.

TIP #2

If you are driving in traffic that isn't exactly heavy and the cars are spread further out here is a time that you can probably pull of texting somewhat safely. But, only if you do it as I describe. Otherwise you might as well jerk your steering wheel and ram into the car next to you and get it over with right now. What you will first do is make sure that your phone is in a location where it can be grabbed easily. A pocket, on the floor, or somewhere in or around the backseat are not examples of grabbed easily. Make sure at least one of your hands is on the steering wheel. Now you are ready to read the text. Take a really good look at all of your surroundings. Where cars are, how much space you have in front of you, if there is a traffic light or stop sign coming up, if there are potential cars that could cut you off, you get the idea. Lift your phone to eye level so that you can see the road in your periphery as you read one or 2 words at a time. After you read the first word or couple of words make sure to look at the road again, and repeat that process until you have read the text. Remember that each time you look at the road again you need to assess everything that is going on so as to lower the possibility of doing something stupid. Also, pray for a red light, because reading a text like that is lengthy and kind of annoying. A red light gives you the opportunity to read the whole text without worrying about doing something stupid.

The next step is actually texting back. Prepare to look at your phone the same way as I have told you to prepare to read. Make sure you know what you are going to say. The less you have to think about what you are saying while you are texting the less distracted you will be. Try to keep the text as short as possible. Type, at the most, 2 letters at a time, make sure you are completely surveying the road each time you look.

TIP #3

If you have a smart phone there are a few ways that you can eliminate a lot of the risk. If you own an android there should be a speech to text button in your message screen. If you own an iPhone 4 or older there is an app called dragon dictation that is a speech to text converter. If you own an iPhone 4s I am jealous, and you have siri who can text for you. This will greatly reduce the amount of time that you spend per text, and eliminate the need to actually type the message out.

TIP #4

If you have a passenger you can almost completely reduce the risks of texting and driving. I greatly suggest that you hand your phone to your passenger and ask them to read your texts and text back for you. Unless you are on a road trip and they have been eating Cheetos. Because I have been there before. You don't want them touching your phone at all. Unless you enjoy having powdered cheese caked onto your phone. Which I do not prefer at all. I had to clean my phone for like 10 minutes to get all that crap off. Lucky for me it was my iphone and there is only 1 button, and I have a screen cover. I can't even imagine if there were a ton of buttons, and all that crap got under them and made the buttons stick. It is just a mess. On a side note. If you are gonna touch someone's phone. Be considerate, and make sure your hands are clean. I bet you are asking how you can accomplish this while on a road trip and you are eating Cheetos. Well I will tell you. You open the bag, and pour them into your mouth. Yay, no mess!

TIP #5

If you are having a full blown conversation in your texts. Just call the person. Texting is a way to relay a short message to someone without having to call them, and it allows the person receiving the message to read it at their leisure. It was never meant to replace communication the way that it has. Just call the person, or better yet go spend time with them. The only time that it is appropriate to have a full blown conversation over a text is when you are in a social setting, and you have to tell someone sitting across from you something that is inappropriate to tell to the entire group. For example, a girl is talking about her dads boat. "Yeah, it is sooo big." Your text message to your friend across from you: "That's what she said." Then they reply back with something that they don't want to say out loud to everyone. It works in many situations. Another example, I went to a friends house to watch a movie. There were 4 people there. Me, the girl I liked at the time, a guy, and his girlfriend. Well, the guy and his girlfriend started making out like crazy. So the girl I was into and I started texting each other because we didn't want to interrupt the loud kissing noises coming from the other couch. Another example, you are at dinner with your family, and your sister texts you and says that she is freaking out. So you ask why, and she replies that she is pregnant and doesn't want to tell your parents. Granted she could have said this to you at a different time, and that would have been better probably, but it's just an example. Anyway, my point is that if you are texting and having a whole conversation with someone while you are driving just call them. Even better, get a blue tooth so that you don't have to hold the phone to your ear.

Tip #6

If you are the kind of person who has trouble driving in the first place. Texting and driving is not for you. To be able to text and drive safely you actually have to be able to drive. So Asian women, I am sorry, but you will never be able to text and drive. And the reverse of that applies. If you are an okay driver, but it takes you forever to text something you probably shouldn't be texting and driving either. If you are terrible at both you are probably old.

This completes my tips of how to safely text and drive. If you have any questions, and you are an attractive female please message me on facebook. I will likely reply within 10 seconds because I am getting desperate. Just kidding, but seriously I am.

I Don't Think My Brain Works Properly

I have a very interesting thing on my mind tonight. Earlier I was eating tacos, because it's taco tuesday at Del Taco, and I had a strange urge to rip the bag my food came. After I finished ripping the bag in two places I looked up at my friend Jason and told him "I have no idea why I did that." So we began to talk about strange urges. I am sure that everyone gets them from time to time. Like when you are driving down the freeway, and for no reason at all you want to jerk the steering wheel. Or, you are in a very high hotel room with the window open, and you for no reason at all have the urge to sprint at the window and jump out. These urges aren't always suicidal by the way. I recall a time in my youth where I was sitting behind an old gentleman in a religious meeting. While sitting behind this older, mostly bald, man I began to stare at his wrinkled neck skin going up to the back of his skull. It was at this time that I felt the need to poke him in his wrinkled neck skin repeatedly for absolutely no reason. This meeting was an hour long by the way. It was likely the longest hour of my life.

I wish I could explain these strange urges. I have to think of children when I get them, because I am certain children have these urges but can't control them. For instance, a child is playing with a bunch of other children, and completely out of nowhere the child picks up a toy and chucks it at either one of the other children or an adult. Or a parent tells their child not to touch something fragile they had just purchased. The child, of course, grabs it and plays a short game of keep away with the parent and then chucks it onto the hardest part of the floor in their house. This has to be the same kind of occurrence right? That is what I think at least. The child just doesn't have the ability to filter out the stupid urges yet. Heck, I barely have the will power to resist them. So you can't really be too mad at a child for breaking stuff and hitting other children, because we have all been there. I know I have wanted to hit other people's children with a solid object before. So I can't really blame them for doing it. Thank goodness for my mind. I love how I have the ability to imagine myself doing things that I could never do in real life. On some level it allows me to live with the fact that I can't do some things. Like if there is a guy that is a total douche. I can imagine the perfect revenge, and imagining that allows me to live without actually doing something that I could regret. If anything our imaginations are an undo, or ctrl z (cmd z for mac), of sorts. We can think through a situation, and determine after going through it whether or not it is something we want to do before we actually act. I believe this ability is broken for people who constantly do stupid things. They can't think through a situation beforehand, and come to the conclusion, "You know, I don't think jumping down this 15 foot staircase is a good idea." I am amazed at the amount of people who's brains are broken. I am not upset about it. If it weren't for people like that there would be almost no need for YouTube. Everyone has their place in the world, and, for some people, it is lying face down on the concrete with a lot of broken bones.

Something else I have been thinking about lately is conversing. Until about 3 weeks ago I had never thought about where I was suppose to look when I am talking with people. It just happened naturally. Well, my mind screwed that up, and I don't know where the heck I am suppose to look any more. Now every time I talk to someone I end up trying to blur my vision in an attempt to look at both of their eyes. I must look like an idiot. I can't find anywhere to look that seems right. I will look at one of their eyes, in between their eyes, or, like I said before, try to blur my vision trying to look at both of their eyes. Nothing seems right, and that is taking all of my focus during the conversation. I don't know what the heck to do. It all started when I was at work. I was talking to a guy wearing sunglasses, and I couldn't see his eyes. So I was trying to guess where they were while I was talking to him. I ended up just landing on a spot that, I assume, was close to where his eyes actually were. I don't think I was right though, because soon after he took his sunglasses off. I am sure that it was because I was looking like an inch away from where his eyes actually were. So anyway, it was after that experience that I started thinking about where I am actually suppose to look during a conversation, and the autopilot in my brain that had been controlling my eyes during conversation was destroyed. Now I am left looking like an idiot every time I talk to someone.

Speaking of your brain not working properly. Don't you hate it when you are going to have an important conversation with someone, or you are suppose to give a somewhat improvised speech to a group of people, and you plan out pretty much everything you are gonna say then the second you start to speak everything you planned to say just gets erased from your mind? Isn't that the most ironic thing? The stuff you are trying so hard to remember just gets erased the moment you need it. It's like that with everything it seems. When you are trying to impress a love interest you do everything wrong because you are trying so hard. Or when you do something seemingly impossible on accident, then you try to do it again and fail miserably. It's so frustrating that our mind and bodies can instinctually do something that we would normally have to try a thousand times to do again. I kind of wonder if our minds come with everything preinstalled, but when we try to override things, we being our conscious mind, our subconscious mind returns an error that ultimately screws everything up. This essentially explains beginners luck. The beginner isn't trying, because they don't even know what to do. So their instincts, or their subconscious mind, completely takes over and does everything. Then once they understand what is going on their conscious mind starts to take over and screws everything up. Aren't our minds ridiculous? I am beginning to think maybe I should just stop trying to do things, and start doing them without any preparation. I wonder how successful a person could be doing something like that. My guess is that they would be pretty successful, but I guess for everything else there is YouTube.

Proof that there is a God.

I have always believed that there is a God. I would consider myself a religious person. I would even consider myself a Mormon. That is not what I am here to talk about today. My proof that there is a God stems from the conundrum of relationships.

I was thinking the other day, and I found myself thinking about how attraction is really the cause of relationship woes. If it weren't for attraction we wouldn't have trouble with relationships, because our relationships would be based off of things that make sense. Most guys would probably get with fat girls because they like steak and sweets. I gotta be honest. When I meet a girl that's a vegetarian I want to cry. What kind of a life is that? Unfortunately, if she is attractive I can somehow live with the fact that I hate her. How does that make any sense? Everyone does it. Attraction is the override for our brains. We have this specific list of qualities that our perfect mate needs to have, but if an attractive man/woman, that has none of those qualities, comes along our brain temporarily deletes that list and we live miserably for however long the relationship lasts. Some times people get lucky and the attractive person turns out to have some of the important qualities, but definitely not enough to merit being in that relationship. It's sad how many people get into these relationships, and they just stay in it because the force of attraction is so strong. I am probably exhibit A when it comes to this. I am, unfortunately, a very shallow person. It makes me angry, because there are girls that have all the qualities that I would look for, but because of the things that I am attracted to I could never be with them. I apologize for the honesty, but that's just how it is. I bring this up because it is quite a dilemma. Without attraction I think that a lot more people could be in better and more fulfilling relationships. Relationships that wouldn't be so focused on outward appearance, and our brains wouldn't essentially have a virus that completely screws us all over.

The only problem is that without attraction things would be way too easy. We would find someone suited to us almost perfectly in all the right ways. It would take away the excitement and the risk. The feeling of being alive that you get when you are head over heels for someone. You can like someone's personality sure, but I believe that it is attraction that tips the emotional scale and ultimately creates the full feeling of love. There are definitely bad things that can come from relationships based solely on attraction, but you can't really appreciate or learn how to find good without having been completely miserable first. I believe that without attraction, relationships would be only average. There would be no amazing story about the nerd marrying the cheerleader, or the girl finding her perfect prince charming. Why do you think romantic movies do so well, and why so many women read those horrid novels with the super gay front covers of guys that have no shirt on. It is because attraction is such a strong deep rooted part of us. This is one of the large reasons that I believe there is a God. People are so complex that it is downright offensive to think that we aren't part of something more than just this life. I am not saying that I am right. I obviously believe that I am right, but even if I am wrong. I would rather live my life believing what I believe instead of thinking there is nothing after this. How depressing is that? I believe that everything is too complex for it to be coincidence. People, relationships, compassion, sadness, happiness, love. Those things are all way too complex to be an accident caused by some big explosion billions of years ago. That is my proof.

I quoted the Declaration of Independence and Bambi...You know this post is gonna be good!

I would like to share my feelings today. There is something that is starting to become a serious trend, and I, personally, feel that it is time to stop this foolishness. There are 2 basic types of people. The people that get persecuted, and the people that do the persecuting. At least those are the 2 types of people I will talk about today. People tend to go back and forth on this one. I would like to begin by repeating something I heard on Bambi when I was a young lad, and it is a very true statement. "If you don't have something nice to say. Don't say it at all." Did you hear that? No you didn't because you are reading, but did you read that? Yes you did because now you are reading this. Ok, so my point now. Although sometimes that is not the case. It is almost always the case. I am not perfect. So yes I say things that aren't nice. Sometimes things that aren't nice are true. When it comes to those kind of things we need to be tactful in how we approach saying it, or if it isn't going to help we probably shouldn't even say anything. Then sometimes, things that we say are just hurtful and have no reason to be said other than people just want to make themselves feel better about what they are doing. For example, if a fat girl, or guy maybe but most likely girl, tells a skinny girl that she is too skinny and that she needs to eat a cheeseburger. That is just a way for the fat girl to put the skinny girl down, and in turn make herself feel better about eating everything that she sees. This is why America is beginning to become a place that no one wants to be. We have stopped protecting the people that haven't done anything, and more and more we are becoming people that attack each other about every single thing. If we aren't gay, then we tell everyone they can't be gay and that its immoral, and that they are going to hell, and that they are just gross. If we are gay, then we tell all the gay haters that they don't know what love is, and that their religion is is the only reason they feel that way, and that their God is a horrible one because he would allow such a thing to happen, and blah blah blah. If we are fat we attack people by telling them they are too skinny. If we are skinny we tell people they are too fat. If we are somewhere between fat and skinny we commit suicide because we have no one to argue with. (jk about that last one hehe) If we are religious we tell everyone that isn't religious that they have to be religious. If we aren't religious we do all sorts of "research" to prove that religion is made up. Do you see the pattern here? Everyone is attacking everyone. I am not worried about getting nuked by North Korea, because at least if that happens it will end the ongoing and ever growing war that is here. Am I the only person that feels that contention is the most awkward and horrible thing in the world? When people start to argue I go into find something funny to say to stop the arguing mode. I can't take it. I think I should be in a beauty pageant, because I honestly want world peace. If you have seen the avengers then you know that Loki's plan from the beginning is to turn the avengers against each other. I don't know that Satan has a plan similar to that. I can't say for certain whether Satan is real, but what I do know is that if I was him that would probably be my plan. Maybe something to think about? I mean if there is no Satan, then either way people are still awful to each other, and that will undoubtedly be the downfall of mankind. Who knows maybe once we are wiped out by our stupidity pigs will take over. They are the smart ones right? I don't know.

So the reason I started blogging about this is because, yet again, people are attacking each other on facebook. It's about religion, being skinny, you know the usual. I have friends, who I love to death, but they always post stuff about religion. Specifically the mormon religion. The most recent one had quite a few comments, and people that were really offended by it. There was some article about something that use to happen in the mormon temple...I don't really know. I didn't care to read it because I am not really a reader, but they said they meant no harm by it and that it was meant to be informative. I am sorry, love them to death, but I find it hard to believe that they would post something anti mormon on facebook when I bet a large amount of their friends are mormon, and then not mean ANY harm by it. You know what my way of avoiding causing any harm is? I don't post crap that will undoubtedly make people angry. It is like running into Harlem and saying "MLK Jr. was actually white!" I mean I can't really post that on facebook, because I don't think they have the internet in the ghetto's yet. But yeah, it's kinda similar. It's the same thing I was talking about earlier though. Non-religious people digging up dirt about religious stuff. I am religious, but I don't read articles disproving atheism. Granted, I don't like to read so that probably has a lot to do with it, but still. I believe in people being good to each other. I think that if we all chose to believe that, maybe we wouldn't have all the trouble we have. Everyone is so bent on proving that they are the one in the right. It doesn't matter if they are or not. Are we so insecure that we have to put others down in order to feel more secure about ourselves? I think the answer for most people is yes. Otherwise why would we put others down the way that we do? I don't care if you are black, mexican, gay mexican, white, fat, skinny, religious, not religious, whatever. Why, instead of finding ways to make you feel more secure about your lifestyle, don't you find ways to better humanity with your efforts. Tell a joke, teach a child how to tie their shoes, in the words of the scouting motto "do a good turn daily". Life isn't about being angry. It is most definitely about being happy. I don't care what background you are from. The Declaration of Independence and Will Smith were dead on when they said that we are entitled to "the pursuit of happiness", and that is exactly what we should pursue. You can't tell me that you are happy putting others down. How can that make you happy that you are putting another person down? Who knows, maybe I am too compassionate, but maybe I am just the right amount and everyone else is bat crap crazy. I don't know, but what I know for certain is that people's undying passion to find fault in others will be our downfall.

Kirk Out

Wrath of the Titans Review

There is really no way to be nice about this review. I was thinking maybe I would be tactful with my opinions, but there is no way that is possible. I would like to begin by apologizing to the people who have already seen this movie, or that have seen the first movie. There are not really words to describe how horribly done they are. Let me start out by saying that there are only two ways that a person would enjoy this movie. 1) If you are a female, and you think Sam Worthington is attractive. And 2) if your IQ isn't big enough to be a whole number. The only reason that the first one is an exception is because I have seen my fair share of horrible movies, but if there is an attractive female in it I usually will stick it out to the end. Typically, in that situation I only remember that there was a hot chick in the movie, and therefore have fond memories of it.

So I have trashed on the movie. Now let me tell you why it was so awful. In the first scene of the movie the first thing that I noticed was that the background was incredibly out of focus. Though our eyes see that way, there is no reason for a movie to be that way. It wasn't even normal out of focus. It was just barely off. Like they did the background for people wearing 3D glasses, and they forgot to do it normal for people that were seeing it in 2D. If you have ever taken your glasses off during a 3D movie you know what I am talking about, and that is exactly what the background looked like.

The next thing thing that I remember really being annoyed about was the way that Pegasus flies. It flew like it was drunk, and had no equilibrium at all. Isn't Pegasus suppose to be graceful, and, not to be racist, white? Because Pegasus in this movie was black, and on top of it was very obviously CGI (for the most part). There were scenes where it was a horse, and they just added CGI wings, but I mean come on. At least take pride in what you do, and make it realistic. I know they weren't short on animators, because a large portion of the movie was CGI. Which, to be honest, was the only area this movie didn't completely fail in...except for pegasus.

Another that I found more amusing than anything else was that almost every single actor had a different accent. Perseus's son had a very strong british accent. Andromeda had a regular American accent. Perseus, well he has his interesting accent. Zeus (Liam Neeson) has the same accent he has in every movie he does. I don't think he can really change that. The general of the army has a strong spanish accent. It was just very distracting. It was like every time there was anew character they had a new accent.

So now I will talk about the plot a little bit. The movie starts out with Perseus who has a son, and they are living on the shore of some small village. Zeus visits him with some news that, because people aren't praying to the Gods, they are all losing their power, and all sorts of horrible creatures are going to be released. Zeus continues to tell Perseus that he needs to help the Gods. Perseus basically tells Zeus to screw off, and that he promised his dead wife that he would protect his son, and not go to war and whatever. So Zeus is like "Whatever. I am gonna go confront Hades now." So Zeus goes down into the earth, and meets Poseidon and Ares there. And they go down in a little further, and there is Hades who has some tricks up his sleeve, and a double crosser (Ares) who help him capture Zeus, and almost kill Poseidon. Poseidon gets out, and appears in front of Perseus and his son in the temple of the Gods, and then tells Perseus that he needs to free Zeus. So blah blah blah they go on this short little adventure where they meet 3 giant cyclops, and Davy Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean before he fell in love with the sea, and got all squid-like. Apparently, before his times as the dead care taker and jamaican water woman lover, he was the blacksmith for the Greek Gods. Then, I assume, after Hades death at the end of this movie, the formerly known Hephaestus was reincarnated as Davy Jones, and cursed for a long period of time, until the again release of sweet death by the hand of Will Turner (but actually Jack Sparrow). So Davy Jones apparently made the labyrinth that leads into the place that Kronos (the big bad guy that Hades and Ares are trying to bring back to life or whatever) and Hades are currently holding Zeus. So Davy Jones takes them to the entrance of this labyrinth, but some stupid chick prayed to Ares for some dumb reason, and they were attacked by him, and everyone barely made it into the labyrinth, but only because Davy Jones distracted Ares. The dumb thing was that Ares could totally see that the door to the labyrinth was closing, because Davy Jones and himself were fighting only 10 yards away from the entrance that Perseus barely squeezed into. If I were Ares I probably would have chased after Perseus, and killed him instead of wasting my time fighting some worthless blacksmith guy. Whatever...So they get into the labyrinth, and I am probably leaving out details. But seriously, they really aren't important. So don't even worry about it. So they are finding their way through this labyrinth, and surprise surprise there is a minotaur. Which obviously we were expecting. What we were not expecting is that the minotaur would have a hair lip, and a big one at that. In fact, I am almost 100% certain that this minotaur was once one of the children you see on those commercials that you can donate 2 dollars per month, and save that child. Well guess what lady on tv who probably doesn't give a crap about that poor little hair lip child. I know exactly what is happening to those children now. The gig is up, and now everyone knows that your organization is a scam to collect money, and then ship children to Hades and turn them into minotaurs that roam the confined walls of labyrinths, both rock and hedge. Honestly, I would donate my money to get one of those. I have always wanted a hedge labyrinth and a minotaur. That my friends is going on my bucket list, and now I know exactly how to get it. So Perseus, after a long and drawn out fight that he probably should have lost, beats the minotaur, and they go and free Zeus, and somehow get transported out of there before they get killed. So then they appear next to this military camp where they are preparing for Kronos. I really had to laugh here. Kronos is essentially a volcanic eruption that has taken the shape of an enormous human. Why on earth is there an army of humans waiting to take on this thing? What a bunch of morons. So, right before they teleported out of Kronos's lair thing. Zeus was stabbed by a trident. So Zeus is dying, and Perseus and everyone else is freaking out, but Perseus is like, "I gotta fight Ares because he is a giant douche bag." So he prays to Ares or something, and tells him to meet at the temple of the Gods to fight. So Ares shows up there with Perseus's child. So after another long battle that Perseus should have lost, Perseus wins. Then he gets on black Pegasus, and flies to go fight Kronos. During this time the army waiting for Kronos is getting pummeled by these double torso lava things that Kronos is shooting out of his butt or something. So then Hades shows up, and he admits that Ares has gone out of control and heals Zeus so that they can try and stop Kronos from ruining everything. So they team up, and start throwing lightning (Zeus) and black dust? (Hades) at Kronos to try and knock him over or something. Then flies in Perseus on drunk Pegasus with Perseus holding this super weapon consisting of Zeus's thunder bolt, Poseidon's trident, and Ares's club thing. This is apparently what they used to trap Kronos in the first place. So Perseus and Pegasus fly right at Kronos, and drunk Pegasus flies right into the lava that is coming off of Kronos's hands as he flails them about at an attempt to, I assume, walk faster. Anyway, after doing that a couple of times they finally fly into Kronos's open mouth, and he explodes, and drunk Pegasus and Perseus fly away wound free. Oh yeah, and Zeus dies for some reason, and Hades lives but has no power. So yeah. I have now saved you between $8 and $10 depending on which version you were going to waste you money on.

I gotta be honest guys. I really did enjoy this movie, but not for the reasons that were suppose to be enjoyed. I laughed so hard at this movie, and its failures. The people I was with were also very enthused about making fun of the movie the entire time. It got to the point where we had other people in the theater laughing with us when important characters were dying. That is how bad this movie was. No one in the theater even cared enough to tell us to shut up.

It is amazing to me that the people who made this movie pretty much made the same mistake twice. Honestly, the only thing that I remember about the first movie was that through the entire movie Perseus was suppose to stop this Kraken, and when this enormous WWF fish looking villain came out of the water to destroy the city, Perseus holds up Medusa's head which turns the Kraken into stone and then it crumbles into the water. The biggest climactic put down ever. The same freaking thing happened in this movie. Perseus easily flies into the mouth of Kronos and he explodes. The End. Are you freaking kidding me? What happened to a battle between gods? Disney got it right in Hercules. The end of that movie is freaking awesome. The people that made this movie could have learned a thing or two from that.

You want to know a sad little statistic? Well I am going to tell you anyway. They spent around 272 million dollars on the making of these two films. Can you believe that? You would think a person might spend a little time making the movie good if they are gonna drop that kind of cash on it. I personally think there should be some kind of movie committee that approves high budget films, and if they completely suck they take the money that they were gonna spend on the movie, and turn it into a scholarship fund that awards 1000 kids that can write a better screen play a full ride scholarship to the institution of their choice. Because I can guarantee that there are at least 1000 people that could write a movie better than this movie and its predecessor. I bet that I could grab 100o people out of a Kanye West concert that could write a script better than that, and those people are duuuummb. I am sorry, if you like Kanye West you are probably one of the people I referred to in the beginning of this post that liked Wrath of the Titans, and you should probably spend your time doing things more suited to you like coloring outside of the lines, struggling to put together a 25 piece puzzle, and being a minority. Instead of sounding out every word of my blog, and asking your mom to help you with the big words. Your mom is 83, and she can't see the words on the screen because she is in the kitchen making sweet potato pie and fried chicken. So stop asking for her help, and try to figure out what sport you are going to make millions of dollars playing in.

I would like to apologize to the one black guy that is reading this post right now. I am just jealous that I am not black. Please don't kill me.

The End