So I have trashed on the movie. Now let me tell you why it was so awful. In the first scene of the movie the first thing that I noticed was that the background was incredibly out of focus. Though our eyes see that way, there is no reason for a movie to be that way. It wasn't even normal out of focus. It was just barely off. Like they did the background for people wearing 3D glasses, and they forgot to do it normal for people that were seeing it in 2D. If you have ever taken your glasses off during a 3D movie you know what I am talking about, and that is exactly what the background looked like.
The next thing thing that I remember really being annoyed about was the way that Pegasus flies. It flew like it was drunk, and had no equilibrium at all. Isn't Pegasus suppose to be graceful, and, not to be racist, white? Because Pegasus in this movie was black, and on top of it was very obviously CGI (for the most part). There were scenes where it was a horse, and they just added CGI wings, but I mean come on. At least take pride in what you do, and make it realistic. I know they weren't short on animators, because a large portion of the movie was CGI. Which, to be honest, was the only area this movie didn't completely fail in...except for pegasus.
Another that I found more amusing than anything else was that almost every single actor had a different accent. Perseus's son had a very strong british accent. Andromeda had a regular American accent. Perseus, well he has his interesting accent. Zeus (Liam Neeson) has the same accent he has in every movie he does. I don't think he can really change that. The general of the army has a strong spanish accent. It was just very distracting. It was like every time there was anew character they had a new accent.
So now I will talk about the plot a little bit. The movie starts out with Perseus who has a son, and they are living on the shore of some small village. Zeus visits him with some news that, because people aren't praying to the Gods, they are all losing their power, and all sorts of horrible creatures are going to be released. Zeus continues to tell Perseus that he needs to help the Gods. Perseus basically tells Zeus to screw off, and that he promised his dead wife that he would protect his son, and not go to war and whatever. So Zeus is like "Whatever. I am gonna go confront Hades now." So Zeus goes down into the earth, and meets Poseidon and Ares there. And they go down in a little further, and there is Hades who has some tricks up his sleeve, and a double crosser (Ares) who help him capture Zeus, and almost kill Poseidon. Poseidon gets out, and appears in front of Perseus and his son in the temple of the Gods, and then tells Perseus that he needs to free Zeus. So blah blah blah they go on this short little adventure where they meet 3 giant cyclops, and Davy Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean before he fell in love with the sea, and got all squid-like. Apparently, before his times as the dead care taker and jamaican water woman lover, he was the blacksmith for the Greek Gods. Then, I assume, after Hades death at the end of this movie, the formerly known Hephaestus was reincarnated as Davy Jones, and cursed for a long period of time, until the again release of sweet death by the hand of Will Turner (but actually Jack Sparrow). So Davy Jones apparently made the labyrinth that leads into the place that Kronos (the big bad guy that Hades and Ares are trying to bring back to life or whatever) and Hades are currently holding Zeus. So Davy Jones takes them to the entrance of this labyrinth, but some stupid chick prayed to Ares for some dumb reason, and they were attacked by him, and everyone barely made it into the labyrinth, but only because Davy Jones distracted Ares. The dumb thing was that Ares could totally see that the door to the labyrinth was closing, because Davy Jones and himself were fighting only 10 yards away from the entrance that Perseus barely squeezed into. If I were Ares I probably would have chased after Perseus, and killed him instead of wasting my time fighting some worthless blacksmith guy. Whatever...So they get into the labyrinth, and I am probably leaving out details. But seriously, they really aren't important. So don't even worry about it. So they are finding their way through this labyrinth, and surprise surprise there is a minotaur. Which obviously we were expecting. What we were not expecting is that the minotaur would have a hair lip, and a big one at that. In fact, I am almost 100% certain that this minotaur was once one of the children you see on those commercials that you can donate 2 dollars per month, and save that child. Well guess what lady on tv who probably doesn't give a crap about that poor little hair lip child. I know exactly what is happening to those children now. The gig is up, and now everyone knows that your organization is a scam to collect money, and then ship children to Hades and turn them into minotaurs that roam the confined walls of labyrinths, both rock and hedge. Honestly, I would donate my money to get one of those. I have always wanted a hedge labyrinth and a minotaur. That my friends is going on my bucket list, and now I know exactly how to get it. So Perseus, after a long and drawn out fight that he probably should have lost, beats the minotaur, and they go and free Zeus, and somehow get transported out of there before they get killed. So then they appear next to this military camp where they are preparing for Kronos. I really had to laugh here. Kronos is essentially a volcanic eruption that has taken the shape of an enormous human. Why on earth is there an army of humans waiting to take on this thing? What a bunch of morons. So, right before they teleported out of Kronos's lair thing. Zeus was stabbed by a trident. So Zeus is dying, and Perseus and everyone else is freaking out, but Perseus is like, "I gotta fight Ares because he is a giant douche bag." So he prays to Ares or something, and tells him to meet at the temple of the Gods to fight. So Ares shows up there with Perseus's child. So after another long battle that Perseus should have lost, Perseus wins. Then he gets on black Pegasus, and flies to go fight Kronos. During this time the army waiting for Kronos is getting pummeled by these double torso lava things that Kronos is shooting out of his butt or something. So then Hades shows up, and he admits that Ares has gone out of control and heals Zeus so that they can try and stop Kronos from ruining everything. So they team up, and start throwing lightning (Zeus) and black dust? (Hades) at Kronos to try and knock him over or something. Then flies in Perseus on drunk Pegasus with Perseus holding this super weapon consisting of Zeus's thunder bolt, Poseidon's trident, and Ares's club thing. This is apparently what they used to trap Kronos in the first place. So Perseus and Pegasus fly right at Kronos, and drunk Pegasus flies right into the lava that is coming off of Kronos's hands as he flails them about at an attempt to, I assume, walk faster. Anyway, after doing that a couple of times they finally fly into Kronos's open mouth, and he explodes, and drunk Pegasus and Perseus fly away wound free. Oh yeah, and Zeus dies for some reason, and Hades lives but has no power. So yeah. I have now saved you between $8 and $10 depending on which version you were going to waste you money on.
I gotta be honest guys. I really did enjoy this movie, but not for the reasons that were suppose to be enjoyed. I laughed so hard at this movie, and its failures. The people I was with were also very enthused about making fun of the movie the entire time. It got to the point where we had other people in the theater laughing with us when important characters were dying. That is how bad this movie was. No one in the theater even cared enough to tell us to shut up.
It is amazing to me that the people who made this movie pretty much made the same mistake twice. Honestly, the only thing that I remember about the first movie was that through the entire movie Perseus was suppose to stop this Kraken, and when this enormous WWF fish looking villain came out of the water to destroy the city, Perseus holds up Medusa's head which turns the Kraken into stone and then it crumbles into the water. The biggest climactic put down ever. The same freaking thing happened in this movie. Perseus easily flies into the mouth of Kronos and he explodes. The End. Are you freaking kidding me? What happened to a battle between gods? Disney got it right in Hercules. The end of that movie is freaking awesome. The people that made this movie could have learned a thing or two from that.
You want to know a sad little statistic? Well I am going to tell you anyway. They spent around 272 million dollars on the making of these two films. Can you believe that? You would think a person might spend a little time making the movie good if they are gonna drop that kind of cash on it. I personally think there should be some kind of movie committee that approves high budget films, and if they completely suck they take the money that they were gonna spend on the movie, and turn it into a scholarship fund that awards 1000 kids that can write a better screen play a full ride scholarship to the institution of their choice. Because I can guarantee that there are at least 1000 people that could write a movie better than this movie and its predecessor. I bet that I could grab 100o people out of a Kanye West concert that could write a script better than that, and those people are duuuummb. I am sorry, if you like Kanye West you are probably one of the people I referred to in the beginning of this post that liked Wrath of the Titans, and you should probably spend your time doing things more suited to you like coloring outside of the lines, struggling to put together a 25 piece puzzle, and being a minority. Instead of sounding out every word of my blog, and asking your mom to help you with the big words. Your mom is 83, and she can't see the words on the screen because she is in the kitchen making sweet potato pie and fried chicken. So stop asking for her help, and try to figure out what sport you are going to make millions of dollars playing in.
I would like to apologize to the one black guy that is reading this post right now. I am just jealous that I am not black. Please don't kill me.
The End
